There is a certain peace in letting go of things you can't control...
You can't control what she wants or her choices.
You only control how you let them affect YOU.
I have let go of the anger and resentment and in the process also the pain and heartache. It's as if my psyche just couldn't take anymore. So it's all business with me now, civil interactions with W and pondering what's best for the kids.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
And in that process you discover who YOU really are.
As long as you know that and what you want and believe in
Then the rest is just the will to make it happen for you.
Letting her stay in your home while commiting adultery is YOUR choice.
How does that align with what you believe. Your son will know the truth one day. Is that what you want to teach him?
Whether she stays or goes, we'll still share custody, and she'll committ A or she'll not (no control), so my son will find out, when, I don't know. But as his father I only get one crack at his childhood. I believe having mom near is what is best for him today. But in the future, when he does discover the truth, I am not afraid to explain it to him. She may decide to take that condo anyway, and I can tell him whatever was her choice. The eureka moment for me was letting her have the choice. I have noticed since she has softened considerably.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
I am not trying to convince you one way or the other Pickle but you can't control his mother's choices and you never will.
Her choices have consequences and your job is not to save your W from those consequences.
Her R with your son is hers to destroy. It is not yours to repair either.
Your job is not to damage it by your own hand.
But not to repair it.
Will it traumatize him. Yes. Probably.
What can you do?
Be the best father to him you can.
Pickle I believe you have taken a big step in understanding that you must let your W choose and somehow bring yourself to a peaceful place about it.
The next step? Finding Pickle again. Do that for you and your family.
They need a man who knows who he is and can be there for them.
Your words sound to me more like a beaten man.
Don't confuse letting go with losing.
What in this sitiuation do you control?
How will you choose for those things? For YOU?
I know I sound like a beaten man, perhaps there is some truth in that, because I couldn't prevent the D. There is always the stigma of failure associated with D. But I have achieved the only logical next step, dealing with the D in the best way possible. Emotionally I have reached a point where whatever W does will not cause me rollercoaster pain. Yes, I will have days where the seratonin gets out of balance, but it won't be like it was. S12 is at a critical stage of life, at the threshold of puberty and my will is geared toward him. It is a matter of setting aside the feelings and emotions and asking myself: what is my will?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
