Updating - after some useful coaching, the last week went fairly well. I have tried to limit contact with W as I move forward with my own life. There have been few occasions to spark conflict, but the next week is tough. D's birthday is coming up and we've set up a sleepover here at the house for her and her friends. It's technically W's weekend with the kids, but I'll need to be around to help and she will need to be around to hostess since her place won't accommodate many kids. W told me today she would come by to set up, when I'm not here. Not real comfortable with that, but the financial situation still gives her some claim on home ownership.
FIL called late Friday night to ask if he could make the 2 hour trip over to see my S's bball game at 8am this morning. I was psyched that he is still comfortable calling me directly. And of course the kids love seeing him. He stayed to join all for breakfast and I broke the new rule of eating with W, since most conflict happens across the table lately (I have the kids this weekend). Wasn't comfortable excluding his daughter from breakfast. I was further buoyed when he took me aside after breakfast to ask if he could come over and help around the yard, since I have little time to do much. He was clear to ask for the time when he knew I had the kids and when he could stay here at "my" house. I know W will go nuts, but I can't be worried. I'm over trying to win people for my corner. Although I know she'll see it that way. Just wondering if I should sidestep that sitch.
D nearly just broke my heart. She said to me, "Mommmy said you and her would be back together for my birthday". I replied, "Daddy would love that but you don't have to worry, we both love you very much." D responded, "She pinky-promised". Clearly there was a misunderstanding in my D's wonderful 8-year old brain, but I was a little taken aback still by the slight chance of W's return. This make me feel uncomfortable, since I still have emotion tied up in stuff that is so seemingly remote right now.
The pastor at tonight's service was discussing Solomon and was emphasizing the importance of embracing "the now" or at least living in the moment. But he alarmingly said, "if there has been some relationship that you have put so much energy into and expended all your resources with no positive result, then let them go. There are some people you simply can not reach." Wow. Lightning bolts.
So I have much to mull over tomorrow as I prepare the house for next week's party. It is pure drudgery since it will definitely not meet W's approval, just like every other project I stupidly pursued to satisfy her. So the challenge will be to do the best I can and let the digs and slights roll off like water off a duck's back. I better wrap the da*n duck in kevlar and gore-tex.
