I have done everything wrong....

[Grocerykartman]

Islander,

Let me offer you two more cents, I guess I'm well on my way up to a buck now at least.

I think if you need to get the taxes done now, get the taxes done now. I don't say that to disagree with Denver, I say that only because taxes are a chore you need to get off your plate, and if worrying about your taxes is going to be an additional stressor for YOU, eliminate that stress from your life. You are correct, you can't avoid her entirely, and you need to be cooperative with her when it comes to handling these matters. But that's as far as your conversations need to go with her. You must be as careful as you've ever been with anything to not straddle the line between business and personal then.

You are doing great with the going dark, hang in there! But you are correct, like I said above, you can't stay dark forever.

Back to your inclination to write the letter, allow me to offer you a couple more thoughts. First, my WAW also apologized many times too over the guilt she had, sorry for wrecking things, sorry for scrwewing up all our plans, etc. But actions speak louder than words from her end too, and ultimately, the apologies have never been truly backed up with the one thing I needed her to do, which was give up the OM on her own volition. There was always an "I will give him up, I can give him up, I will give him up IF"...."

So while it is certainly not a bad sign that you are getting these texts, and your going dark is at least making her reach out to you in some manner, you're not obligated to respond to each message she sends you that you're not sure how to respond to. If you are too hurt at any given moment to respond back with anything but either melty-man drivel or unattractive anger, then don't. I think you can beleive she is sorry, but for now, I think your best bet is to take it with a "duly noted" attitude and stay as dark as possible. Her actions would need to be what prompts you out of darkness, not her words.

Also, there are two things that haunt me to this day that I did while I was in the crux of the strife I felt with WAW and OM. The first thing was confronting him...it did not go well, I actually became a cursing, spitting, pyscho, which just egged the idiot on even more. But the second was a letter I sent to WAW, basically condemning her for staying involved with OM, jeapordizing our family, not appreciating the pursuing I was doing, etc. Right after I sent it, and it didn't resonate with her in the way I wanted, (which was for her to basically to snap out of this OM stupor and see the light), I immediately felt like an idiot and wished I'd never written it. I knew all it did was make her feel worse, and the last thing she wanted to do was try to work it out with me knowing I felt that way. Looked weak and unattractive, and it was. To this day I don't know what I was really thinking, except that I felt the wheels were coming off and I didn't know any other way to stanch the bleeding. But it didn't work, and I noticed a sharp increase in the time she spent with OM following it.

I am against sending the letter from personal experience, but also intellectually. Not saying you'd have an identical feeling, but if she doesn't respond to it the way you want, how are you going to deal with it then?

I wish you well man. These are among the toughest of the tough times, when you have to fight the urge to lay out all your emotion to her. But I really think you have to remain dark.

You can do this.