I have done everything wrong....

[Denver_2010]

Exactly. You do not owe her an explanation as to why you aren't returning her calls or her texts. She is the one who left the M, not you.

I agree that the letter will make you come across as needy, weak, and pushy. I'm sorry man, I'm just being honest. You need to act "as if" you are strong and will be just fine without your W... even if you don't feel that way right now. Fake it til you make it.

I completely understand why you want to send the letter. I really do. In the first few weeks of my sitch I also considered a letter to my W. That was right before I found this website. You really need to listen to the advice that you are getting here.

Grocery is right too. The words that you say or write right now cannot be taken back. Understand that you are not in a good place emotionally to be putting things out there to W that you cannot take back or that may hurt your efforts to get her back in the future (if that is what you decide to do). You need to stay dark and really work on detaching right now. Focus on you!!

Grocery is also right about actions speaking louder than words. Your letter may say that you don't want to be friends with W, or that you are done, or whatever else you decide to put in it. But what she will see is this:

"Islander is devastated without me. He will be there if and when I ever decide that I want to go back to him. He can't get over me. Islander just doesn't get that I don't want to be with him. Why doesn't Islander listen to me about what I want." etc.

Actions are much more effective. Staying dark and detaching are acts that show W that you DO NOT need her. That you ARE strong. That you WILL BE JUST FINE on hour own. Again, even if you don't feel these ways now, you have to act "as if".

Hang in there. You are doing great.

BITS
Denver