DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[angel61]

SIC, remember that when we say ILY, we say nice things to our spouses, they feel PRESSURED.

They feel that they have to reciprocate, but cannot, and so they go overboard to try to stop us from saying those things again.

Some WAS even recognize it. My H told me in exactly those words.

They actually say nasty words, do nasty things to discourage us from expecting, from hoping, even if they are not those kind of people normally. They run because they cannot bear to hurt us, not realizing that when they do, the hurt is still there but they just won't see it. But at least they do not have to actively hurt us.

We have to accept that as of this exact time, they DO NOT FEEL LOVE for us. That is why we read a lot about validating their feelings, agreeing to what theyfeel, letting them know we believe what they are going through, and understand.

That is why we want to change, maybe go back and become what we were when they first fell for us, maybe find what we have not fulfilled in the M for them. We cannot force them to love us, but if we are loavble, who knows? In the meantime, we keep the peace, try not to put PRESSURE. They feel safe whe they know that their actions no longer elicit reactions from us like HOPE or on the other hand, ANGER. We become the safe haven.

Hopefully, the calm and peaceful environment will make them stay, which gives us time, which is our friend in this sitch, as only time can heal them and hopefully make them stay forever, heal our M's.