Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[lostinscared]

FOBD,

I don't know, I think you're logic on going dark is spot on. In order to make the changes we need to make, we need to be ok with ourselves. Conversations with your wife are evoking some negative feelings with you and that is something you need to heal from before you subject yourself to more of it.

Frankly, I just understand. I guess this is why I'm not a complete mess that my husband left. Him being here was inflicting more pain than I could bear. Now that he's gone, there's a peace about me and I don't feel like a piece of crap every minute of every day.

I also am so proud of your brother for supporting you. That was probably very hard for him, but you deserved that support and I'm glad you got it.

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is having a rough time about his brother. I was wondering how he was doing. I'm very, very close with one of my brothers and I just don't know what I would do if I lost him. I don't know what I would do if lost any of them. You are such a good person, FOBD, for concentrating on others pain. It really does heal.

Anyway, I'm thinking about you and praying for you!!!

LIS

[Denver_2010]

Exactly the reason for going dark... that and also to give your W the time and space that she needs to do her own healing and realize how much she misses you. There are lots of reasons to go dark for a while. It's like a timeout. It worked for me.

How you doin FOBD?

BITS
Denver

[2stepboogie]

FOBD,

I think you have sound judgment for going dark. If you feel like you are getting very little from your convo's and all you are doing is regressing emotionally then do it for as long as you feel comfortable. Take your time getting back to her or not getting back to her for a bit. I agree with Lost and Denver on this buddy.

Buy a bottle of wine and really go dark! I did that 3 weeks ago and went dark for about 14 hours only it wasn't 1 bottle is was 3. When I woke up I thought I was going to need an IV

[FellOnBlackDays]

Lost, Denver, and 2step,
You guys are the best and I really appreciate you being around for me. Not much to update here. No contact from W and that is OK with me for now. Yes, I still miss her. Yes, I still want her back. But, for right now, I just don't know if I want to hear from her. I am going to stay dark for now.

I do have some good news. I am going to throw my SB party tomorrow and I have put together my menu and bought my supplies. I am really stoked. Hot wings, sausages, dip, stuffed chickens, cheese dip, the works. I am going to need angioplasty when this is over. Most importantly, my sister is bringing over the new light of my life, my niece! I love that little girl and I really enjoy spending time with her. And, to top it all off, I have gotten three invites to other parties. Life isn't so bad if you can turn off the never-ending video playing in your brain of highlights of your spouse.

I did have one setback today. While I was putting some stuff away in a closet, an unlabeled CD fell out of an over-stuffed shoebox full of stuff. I popped it in my computer to see if it was music, movies or photos. Unfortunately, it was photos. It was over 200 photos from a trip my W and I took to Hawaii in 2007. That was the best vacation I have ever taken. We snorkeled, we hiked, we rented a jeep and went four-wheeling, we did it all. My W was at the height of her physical training program. Her body was banging and she was tan and beautiful. Numerous photos of us on the beach with her in a bikini with her smokin' figure. I didn't take this little incident this afternoon very well. I found myself sitting in front of my computer completely numb. We looked so happy and in love in those photos. What happened to us? How did we get here? Damn it! All I wanted this afternoon was a time machine so that I could go back and tell the old me to change his ways...

I have other good news, Lost! It is Saturday night and I am sober!!! This is the first time in three weeks. Yes, I have had a few beers today while I was working on my house, but noting major. I spent the entire day cleaning and prepping for the party tomorrow. But, I am not drunk and I don't plan on getting so. Actually, in a few minutes a buddy of mine is picking me up to go see True Grit. I love the Coen Brothers! No Country For Old Men is one of my favorite movies. Can't wait to check this flick out. This will be the first time I have gone to the movie with my W in over 10 years. Oh well, life goes on.

Team, I really, really hope that each of you are able to find some peace and happiness tonight. I never thought I could get so close to people whose names I don't even know right now.

I might check back in when I get home from the movie tonight depending on how tired I am.

BITS, have a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday! Denver, I hope that you don't spend it alone.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[2stepboogie]

Let me know how the movie is I want to check it out myself.

I had the same episode last Sunday, I was going through pictures on my computer and a pic of W,D and I together came on the slide show. That was all she wrote for me. I cried for an hour. Those freaking tears!

Anyway have fun!

[Denver_2010]

It sounds like your SB party going to be kicka*s! Wish that I could be there. No worries though, if my W elects not to accept my offer, a buddy of mine and his W are throwing a party that I will go to. I won't be alone either way.

It seems that many of us here are so similar and end up doing similar things. You story of looking at your vacation photos hit me bc I did the EXACT same thing just a little while ago. I broke out the photos of my W and I's honeymoon. Same thing... my W looked amazing and we appeared to be so happy together. I guess that we need to stop doing things like this until our M's are fixed. Then, we need to remember all of the things that we took for granted before so we don't repeat our behaviors.

Let me know how True Grit is... I've been wanting to see that since it came out.

BITS
Denver