I'm FINALLY divorced, just last month. Playing the drums in an amateur rock band. And ultimately grateful to my ex for leaving, he was so awful to me those last years.
Hey there Ellie! It's so great to hear from you. I am pretty darn sure that I owe you an email or two. Sorry!
I am good. Got another promotion at work. Still doing the mom and college thing. Kids are great - 24 and 17 yrs old now - I am getting old!
Congrats on the divorce. That took awhile huh?
I am the same way as you are about my ex. Sometimes I am glad things are the way they are. I don't regret those years, the memories, etc..., but I like my life the way it is now. And I don't need someone else to make me feel valued.
It took me being alone for awhile to figure all that out. Wish I could help teach that to others, but it's just something you gotta figure out on your own by doing the time.
Funny, I saw him at work yesterday. I actually went out of my way to stop and talk to him. I even talk to his W sometimes on the phone, and in person, if you can believe that. How far things have come!
A rock band huh? That is so cool. Do you sing too?
So you still popping in on threads and giving advice doc?
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Once in a while. Mostly I get dating advice from others on the online dating thread, lol.
I had a boyfriend for a year, a lovely guy - but then his old college girlfriend showed up on the scene. Couldn't compete with nostalgia.
It's been 8 months since and all I've managed is a couple of coffee dates. Not for lack of offers - just having trouble finding someone I like enough to date. I know, I need to stop being so picky and just go OUT. Most the guys my age are so damn OLD, though. And the only other guys who look at my profile are shocking numbers of under-thirty horndogs, lol.
All three kids are in college, the ex has a 31 year old Asian girlfriend, life is generally good and getting better now that the divorce is done.
I'm still around here as well - really need to post an update. Been physically separated for nearly 1.5 years now - moved into a rental place almost a year ago so that we could get the house sold. Our real estate agent called me today that we should get an offer by the end of the weekend. Once the house is sold, there's nothing to stop the D from going forward. But that's OK - the kids and I could really use closure...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Ellie, I'm glad you are dating. I didn't know there was an online dating thread now. That's great!
Actually I think that all my dating started from online dating. Too funny. My current BF and I met that way too. I might pop in and read some of the threads over there.
I think you should just go out and enjoy yourself. If you find the right guy, then so be it. But don't give up after one cup of coffee either. Enjoy life and what will happen will happen.
I know what you mean about the younger guys. All of a sudden I seem to be getting hit on buy guys I would never even think about dating. What is tht all about anyway? At least it is good for the ego.
I wonder if there is something that we display after we get older after a divorce? I know that I have more confidence and I'm a no BS kinda gal. Can people see that? Makes me wonder.
They also know about the HSD of older women (have actually heard that from them). They might just be curious! haha
Funny about your ex's GF. Isn't it so wonderful though to have all that drama behind you? I feel like a new woman. We still have the occasional hiccup, but life is pretty drama free for months at a time.
The hardest thing is when we have to see each other, but even that gets easier in time.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Daybreak! Another old-timer! I think I saw Gigi too over on one of the other threads. That makes 4 of us so far.
Sorry that you are selling the house, but you're right, the more you put the past behind you the sooner you can get on with the closure.
It is harder when things drag out. Even 2 years ago I was on here posting about retaining a lawyer again to wrap up the loose ends of our D (5 years after our D). That is all behind me. Life is so much better once you get past all of that. Just give it time.
I'm here now almost 9 years since he left and 7 years divorced, and I may never be completely whole again, but I am a heck of a lot better than I was back then and it gets better every day! Life is good.
I will watch for your update.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
I figure that while I am here I will post a few updates since my last posts.
First on the list: OS's bio dad.
Well, we found him, met him...etc.. Yep! Such a great story! It was better than I could have ever dreamed it would be.
We've spent time with him, and they are now at the point that they are spending time together on their own without me even coordinating it. They are alot alike in many ways, and it's been great to see them get to know each other.
They may never be close like a real father and son, but this is what it is, and we're just going to go with it.
We've also met his family. The grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. OS looks a lot like their side of the family when you look through pictures. It's pretty amazing.
The family was very welcoming, considering that they didn't even know about OS or me (except the aunt who apparently always knew - I didn't realize). They are wonderful people...pulling out pictures everytime we get together.
We don't see them as often as we would like because our schedules are all so different, and they live almost 2 hours away.
OS sees his bio dad more because he is local, but again, even that is tough.
So anyway, I wanted to share that success story.
It might not be the kind of success story we are hoping to read on a DB thread, but I'll take it!!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Second on the list: YS's application to the high school academy
He was accepted to both academies where he applied. He chose the Global Studies & World Languages Academy. In hindsight, that was the best choice (more about that later).
That was almost 2 years ago. He is now a sophomore, active in the SCA, school clubs, the schools FB page admin, well-liked by the director, students, and teachers, doing volunteer work, doing well in all his classes (except math), and participating in the school pageant in two weeks (this one is a funny guy pageant spin-off).
The academy is a school within a normal high school - something our public school system has. There are several around the city. The students receive more challenge as if they were in a private school, but the normal high school experience with it. There is no additional cost unless you want to participate in special activities. I am suggeting it to all my friends who have kids -- you cannot beat the experience!!
YS is in his 3rd year of Spanish and his first year of Chinese. He also takes unique classes that you won't see in regular schools, like World Religions, International Cuisines, etc..
Last year he had an opportunity to participate in an Israeli student exchange program. Some Israeli students came here for 2 weeks. Then they all went together to DC, New York, and then Israel for 2 weeks. It was a life changing experience for YS.
In April he will be doing something similar. But this time he is traveling to China.
The trips do have some costs, but it's nothing like what I would have to pay if I was sending him on my own. We do some fundraising to pay part of it. My Ex, family, and friends chip in, and then I take care of the rest.
I am so happy we've been able to do this for him.
Combined with the trip that he took to England and Wales four years ago, I have a little world traveler on my hands (well not so little anymore). And I don't even have my passport yet? haha
Not for long though...He loved Israel so much that he wants to go back, maybe even do some college there. So...we have been saving for a big trip. That wasn't our original plan, but it looks like we might be going to Israel this summer. The friends he made are Juniors this year, and after they graduate next year, they will be joining the IDF (Israel military). So this summer is really the year to go see them again. We'll see...If I get up the nerve to take the plunge, that's where I will be this summer - with my PASSPORT!!
So another success story, IMHO. Again, didn't save my marriage, but my kids are doing GREAT!!!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Third on the list: My Brother is about to finalize his D.
You might remember me talking about my Brother, his W and family, when I was going through my D. They were really good to me and I would spend a little time with them.
Well, a lot has happened since then.
(She had cheated on him years before, moved out, had a son by the OM, got back together with my brother and things had been okay, well somewhat okay. She was never really happy.)
Of course it came around again. She started acting unhappy, talking about splitting up, etc.... My brother talked to me for advice, got a L, started looking for apartments, and was ready to move on.
She saw that, decided she was losing him, and came back to her senses. The next thing I knew they were trying to buy a house (a new kind of shiny for her, since the old shiny was wearing off). It was crazy when the house they had was great. They had put a lot of work into it. I would have never moved.
It was then that I started seeing her pattern.
The new house fell through.
A couple weeks later, they went on a weekend trip up to the mountains for some "together time." They came back and within a week said they had found a new house and they were moving to the mountains in the western part of the state -- against my advice. They were really trying to save their marriage - and it seemed desperate!
Everyone in the family was irritated with the whole thing. I told them, and I told him...the repairs you did on the house, the new house...it's just a new kind of shiny. The shiny wore off and when this new shiny wears off, she will be unhappy again. I give it 2 years.
I would like to say I was wrong about that, but I wasn't.
In a little less than 2 years before that shiny wore off. They moved back here. Within a year of moving back, she found a new shiny and cheated on him again.
He finaly said enough! He moved in with me shortly after with his daughter. They lived here for a few months and then got their own place.
Within a month of him moving in with me, she had already dated a couple of guys, broke up with the guy she cheated with. Then she had a new guy move in with her. Wow! Meanwhile, the son, he is there with her through all of this. Poor little guy - lots of stories there.
That BF has since moved out. It's like a rotating door over there!!
They have been separated about 1.5 years now, and the D will be final in a few weeks.
My brother started dating someone else about a year ago, and it appears to be going really well. I really wished he had waited a little while before getting serious with someone, but guys seem to do that. Get right back on the horse.
With him I think he had left the M in his heart long before. So maybe leaving was just the last step to closure for him.
Either way, I am much slower than that...
Me? I want some time to stare at all the horses from a distance. Maybe walk up, talk to one, brush it, hop on, maybe a little trot, and then I jump back off again. LOL.
So who's crazy, men or women?
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
