Newbie post What to do now

[JustStunned]

Today my W came by the house after lunch to “clean our mess”. She brought our other dog over to play also. After some small talk about what was happening with her job change and how good this new job will be she asked if we could get started. The conversation was all about her world and what is affecting it.

I deferred cleaning as the dogs were still quite excited and told her we would only be running upstairs every few minutes. The dogs are a 30 lb mixed breed and a 200 lb Mastiff. They need to be supervised when they play, else the smaller dog could be hurt. At least that was the logic I used. We made more small talk. After the dogs settled she asked again if we could get started. I told her the dogs would not stay settled. As if he read my mind the mixed breed went over to her from where I was sitting and began to whine and beg for attention. During this whole time she stayed distant standing just outside the room the dogs and I were in.

I told her I’d rather talk with her than clean. She came into the room and sat across from me. Her body language was tentative. I read it as if she would listen, but close off if I said something offensive or pressured in any way. I managed to validate a couple of reasons for her decision to D and apologized for the way I made her feel. She heard me for the first time today. She told me what she has been doing to make herself happy. I thought to myself none of what you are doing you could not do while staying in the M. I congratulated her on doing things for herself; and silently myself for not vocalizing my initial thought. I spoke about the archery league, and CC skiing. She asked if we could move the Tuesday cleaning to Wednesday. I alluded to another commitment on Wed. I don’t have one. I guess I need to get one.

It is a small step. There are many more to take. She needs to see me as changed. She need to see the possibilities of the R changes also. I can only stay this course.