Is it possible, that part of your problem is that you are afraid that you feel you pushed your W into ending the A?
And because YOU feel it wasn't her choice that you are less able to trust her?
Listen, my H, had more than one OW. I snooped. I know how hard it is to stop. You simply have to require more of yourself.
You justify invading her privacy by saying where would you be now if you hadn't read her emails.
These things, have a way of coming out, if there is anything that needs to come out, without us snooping.
You are watching her like a warden. THAT is not going to reconcile anything regardless of what she decides.
I am not saying that she should not be open with you. She should. She isn't ready for that yet. She has told you that she isn't ready to "recommit" to anything yet.
You are steps ahead of her in this process right now.
Rebuild the friendship first, don't continue to tear it down.
Just my opinion.
Thanks, Cat. True words of wisdom. I think you nailed all of the points. I guess right now my spouse and I are in a different place. She is not ready to recommit to anything. I am ahead of her in that process. Maybe she will eventually come around with the honesty. If not, and she has alternate plans through this process, there is nothing that I can do about those decisions of hers.
I just need to step back and just be friendly. I also need to take care of myself first and foremost right now.
That goes back to me thinking that everything I am doing right now and how I am acting is counter-intuitive to a person that just discovered their spouse has been having an affair. I should be angry and looking out, not loving and wanting in.
Maybe this is me acting on my true character. Maybe this is also me fighting to save the marriage with the woman I truly love.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
