Well . . . she left and filed for divorce, right? That makes her a WAW by definition. But the term you use is less important than what you do next.
You've done some smart things, especially seeing a counselor. It's too bad it didn't work out. You might want to try someone else, or you might want to give your counselor another shot.
Have you read Michelle Weiner-Davis' books on the subject? Such as Divorcebusting?
I would also recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Some of the things you describe--being surprised that a woman would leave a man who made sure his job was secure and was never any trouble to her, for instance, or trying to fix everything by making an effort to be cheerful and happy all the time, are things Glover might help you with. He describes men who put all their emphasis on pleasing others, especially women, by putting their own needs last and "never being any trouble" as "Nice Guys." He's not talking about not being nice, just seeing that your own needs are important and dealing with other people honestly. It made a big difference for me.
The other reading I'd recommend is Schnarch's Passionate Marriage. But I'd read the other two first.
Your first step is to decide what you want to do about your marriage. Do you want to save it? If so, what are you willing to do about it? The first thing is to think hard about how you treat your wife now and why it doesn't work.
The fact that you're trying to do something about this, rather than just deciding that your wife went crazy for no reason and there's nothing you could have done, puts you ahead of the curve already. That seems to be what most people do.
