You are asking some really great questions here. We all know and understand how hard this is.
Jack, has a restored M, because Jack became the man you see here and his W eventually noticed the changes. In some ways, Jack got lucky. (Although I think his W is the lucky one) He will be the first to tell you that. The other people who have posted to you, the ones who have been here, are successes as well, even with out restored M. Jack will tell you that as well, because of his definition of success. It has become the definition for success for many of us and hopefully, it will become yours as well.
I say that, because when it does, and you begin to become who you are meant to be, without worrying quite so much about the outcome of the M, your entire perspective is going to change and life becomes so much more and dealing with this becomes so much easier.
The dead eyes, are completly part of this. It always amazes me when we can even see it in pictures. I haven't seen a picture of a MLCer yet that doesn't have that vacant stare. They are numb inside. It shows through in their eyes and anyone who knows them, can see it.
The OM. You have to decide if that is a dealbreaker for you. Many of us think it is, until we are faced with it. If it isn't then you must find forgivness in your heart. You may have to forgive many times over through this.
Jack is right though, if you can't forgive, then you are wasting your time.
I know that this [censored] right now. If you do the work, eventually, you won't feel that way.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
