Be the Lighthouse

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver, for what it is worth I will spend all weekend hoping that you get to be with her on Sunday. That would be awesome for you and would certainly give all the BITS a "pick me up." It is really satisfying to hear good news on here. Man, I hope it goes well for you.

But I like your attitude. If it doesn't, you will still be OK. If you really read carefully, I can definitely see a turn in the posts from you, me and 2step. We all seem to be turning a corner and I really like how this is going. Maybe we can all cross the finish line together.

I want to give you a bit of information that I picked up from one of my interviews with a WAS. I asked about how to handle situations such as your SB invite. Here is what he said:

"When she asks you what you are going to do for an event, simply tell her what you want to, regulate the details as you see fit, make it sound fun and interesting and then stop talking. She will do one of three things: a) say nothing b) tell you about her plans and then stop talking c)tell you that your plans sound fun and nice and end it there. This is a signal that she is still not ready for quality time together. This is what I did with my W for over a year. But, then came the day that option d came out. She told me what she was doing and I wanted to be there. So, as she told me about her plans and then stopped talking, I starting thinking in my head that I wanted to be there. I dropped a hint that I might like to be there. She accepted and it turned out to be one of the first of many events that lead to our reconciliation. You see, you need to let her be the one that initiates the first date. Why? Because if she does it, you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she now possesses some desire to be there. If you initiate the date, she may just show up out of pity or guilt. This is not good. It may take two weeks, two months or two years to reach a place where your W will initiate that first date. But, when she does, you will at least know that she wants to be there with you. You will have to be the one to decide how long you are willing to wait for her."

I think it is sound advice coming from a WAS. But, as you stated, you know your sitch better than any of us and you do need to go with your gut. If you think it is time to "probe" for a way in, then by all means, do it. If you get rejected, just back off and regroup. You can always try again later.

Keep being our inspiration. I wish I could bring some to the table, but my W is perfectly happy in purgatory right now and I am not willing to pursue her while she sits in there. That is an awful place. I guess I have a ways to go before I will know how this will end. Well, we both know I could end this now should I chose, but I don't want that right now...

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD