"I don't know when I will feel enough to say I love you to you or really kiss you. I'm finally acknowledging my hurt and anger. Let me work through this. All I have are those feelings. I need time to get to the good feelings. I don't know how long this will take. But it will take time."
i would take that exactly as she said it
she wants this to work, but she also wants to go slowly
there is SO nothing wrong with that Bolt
it will take time
time is something you both have
anything good is worth the wait - right?
remember that my husband and i jumped right back into things and look where we landed a year later
have patience and take the time to really fix things
you really are doing so well and i truly wish i were in your position have a great night
grr, I was hoping you were out there. You've been very supportive and insightful. That is what my heart was saying; it's nice to hear it be echoed so I know what I'm doing is right.
I wish you the best and hope that things can get better for you as well!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I got an email from her about an hour later. The C told her to do that so she could communicate without my interference. I have a pretty good way with words and sometimes she feels inferior to me (I have no idea why but she does - I have NEVER been condescending to her - at least in my mind).
This describes the communication between my W and I to a T. I have always been the smooth talker and that is something she has brought up to me several times. "You've always been good with words. I can't trust you."
[/quote] I did want to share a line that I think I know how to take but wanted your take: I don't know when I will feel enough to say I love you to you or really kiss you. I'm finally acknowledging my hurt and anger. Let me work through this. All I have are those feelings. I need time to get to the good feelings. I don't know how long this will take. But it will take time.
I look at it as a good thing in that we both acknowledge what we both want. It will just take time.
Anyone else?? [/quote]
I think that this is a very positive thing. I would break down if I got an email from my W saying this. It is a long process but I have no doubt you are on the right track. The rest of us are still in the trial and error phase.
grr is absolutely right. Have patience Bolt. There is nothing wrong with you W saying that. She needs time.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Bolt, I second that notion. If she wants time, give it to her. What she said to you today was from the heart and not all bad. She could have said, "I am done, we are done, I am leaving you." Instead she still thinks enough of you and your M to acknowledge her issues and tell you what they are. Good sign, I think. Just keep doing what you are doing. Be careful with the ultimatums though. They can back fire. Take it from a guy who played with that fire and got burned...
Keep it coming.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Wow, guys you are so right. I gave the space today and really just supported her.
She came home from work (12 hour shift at hospital) and was in a surprisingly great mood. I was reading to the kids and she jumped behind me and gave a huge hug! Shock-ed was me for sure.
We all hung for a little and then her and I just chatted in the bedroom. I wanted to give her space but she was really chatty and I just chilled. I kept trying to leave but she wouldn't let me.
Finally I went to leave the room and she says, "Hey, you can come kiss me."
I nearly fell over myself to go kiss her. I mean, it was a small peck on the lips but still. I had no expectations and look what happens?!
She then thanked me for all of the work that I did today for the move. I told her that I believed in her and that things were going to work out great. She had this glow about her.
Every day, guys. Every day. Work work WORK! I feel great right now and had to share.
I hope it gives you all hope that with some tough work, it can work out.
My neighbor, whom I confide in quite a bit, told me that he's very proud of me for sticking this out. I told him, I ain't done yet
We're never done!!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Way to go Bolt! You are well on your way to being our first success story. I am very excited for you and will be waiting for your next post. Keep the good vibes coming.
Good luck this weekend!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
heyall! I want to keep posting because I feel that my story so far gives encouragement. My W told me the other day that she just needs some space occasionally so today I did that. I work out of the home but I took my "office" to the beach - living in San Diego makes that pretty easy.
I stayed away to give her "her" time and even went to see a movie for "my" time.
After that, the Ds and I went to a father/daughter dance.
When we got back, the Ds were exhausted so me and W just talked. She wouldn't let me leave. We were very cuddly and felt unbelievably close. She even thanked me for giving her today. I told her that I will give whatever is needed for this R to work. She is too.
Now I look at it as one day at a time. Its funny because even though we haven't ML in almost 2 months (we never went more than a week in 17 years), I feel closer to her now than ever.
I guess it shows that hard work and perseverance pays off. I haven't had to go through an enormous amount of hell but I also don't feel like I'm done. I don't want to fall back and look at every day as a challenge.
At least I can offer hope
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Bolt, some days I just want to smack you!!! hahahaha... It's freezing here. We have had ice, snow and sleet. I don't know the last time the sun has come out and YOU... being the great guy you are, point out the sacrifice you made on a beach in San Diego. Ugh!!!! PARTY AT BOLT'S HOUSE!!!!
In all seriousness, I think that this is sweet. You guys are becoming friends and rebuilding that solid foundation. That is going to make ML even more awesome. Every day is a challenge and remembering that will keep you on the right path.
I'm also happy to see you feeling more calm about waiting. I just know it's going to be great when it happens!!!
