I noticed that it has been almost a year since you first posted on the bb.....did you ever imagine at this time last year that things could/would be as good as they are now???
A year ago, I was preparing for divorce. In fact, it's almost a year ago to the date that I was flat ass drunk in the snow, wishing I was dead. This year, I'm back in school, got a promotion at my job, have a new car, and feel better about me than I have in years. Things with H are still in process. Promises he made to the OW - who he still works with - are still haunting me. The "what if's" still haunt me. However, I can't control them. Someday, I hope I feel confident that I can dispell them on my own, or ask H to dispell them for me. This week he goes to AZ to sell his mother's house. The original plan was to go on Saturday morning, meet the movers on Sunday, close on Monday, and come back Monday night. The closing's off, so he wants to go on Friday night, clean up the house, meet the movers and come back on Sunday afternoon or early Monday. My first response was to freak out - assume he was spending Friday night in town at a hotel with the OW. He's done that before. I need to just be quiet, keep it to myself, and let the facts prove themselves out. Time will tell.
You are right, Kim, I need to learn how not to freak out. I can't make H be trustworthy, I have to freely give him my trust again. Logically, I know I can't affect what he will do, so it's pointless to get wrapped up in it. If he wants to hurt me again, that's his choice, and I certainly can't stop him. All I can do is be the best me I can be.
None the less, I am a natural worrier - the glass half's empty kind of person, so I really have to look to not try and avoid the negatives.
Wishing, I'm going back to school for fun. I decided to pick up another degree in accounting. Since I also obsess about being destitute some day, I figured another hard skill would be worthwhile. Also, I am going to a local private business school, and they haven't got the widest choices! Where my H works is affiliated with that school, so family members get free tuition. Can't beat the cost! H has not yet finished his degree, so I have been poking at him gently to give it a try. They do alot on line, so it's pretty easy to work into a busy schedule.
I wish my son would take it as an example! He is not academically motivated - but smart as a whip! Again, I have to keep my expectations for him in line, and not push too hard there either.
Got an A and a B last semester - The incentive for son is that if he makes the B honor roll, he keeps the TV in his room, so we have joked that if my grades didn't stay up, the TV in our bedroom would have to go. I hope son gets his up there. H was out last night, but two positives - he called my cell and left a message about where he was going, and was home by 8:00 - only an hour or so later than he would have been anyway.
Although I finished my Masters degree last summer, and teach math, I would still like to take some accounting courses. I mentioned to H a few days ago about enrolling in a course, but he wasn't too keen on the idea since it would be quite expensive. Oh well, I am in a quilting class so that will have to suffice for now.
My kids are their own competition for grades. D23 set the bar wtih a 30 on her ACT test, then D21 got a 32 and D18 pulled off a 33. The standard joke around here is that S14 has to get even higher.
It is a good thing that you can realize that H calling and coming home at a decent time are now positives in your life. Keep looking for those positives......they far outway the negatives.
