2step, I am going to ignore it. I have a very unique situation. My W actually hates V-Day. Yep, it's true. For years, I didn't have to do anything on that day and she was completely fine with that. No kidding. Every year, I would try to do something and she would stop me claiming it was a made-up holiday. Oh, I am sure that the Canadian douche will get her something, but I am going to ignore the entire thing.
I have to, I have much more pressing things to address. First, my brother is getting married in March. I am the best man. My W and my future SIL have become best friends and even after the S, they hung out. I informed my future SIL last weekend that my W will not be attending the wedding. She became upset and asked why. I informed her that their wedding was going to be a happy day for me also and I would not have a walking, talking, physical reminder of my own crushed marriage hanging around all day. Not to mention, weddings are for family and friends. Since she took my ring off and pranced all over Canada posing herself as single, she no longer qualifies as family or friend. My future SIL looked at my brother as if to get him to "over-rule" me. He looked her right in the face and stated, "It is his decision and I will back what he decides." My little bro is the best. He understands the principle that "blood is thicker than water." My love, when you dump your husband, you don't get to keep his family as a consolation prize...
Then, my 10th anniversary is the week after that. Well, I guess there will be no anniversary vacation this year. Maybe I will just go somewhere alone. Oh, and here is the real kicker, V Day is also my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. But my mother will spend it alone because my father passed 11 years ago. So, I will probably take my mother out to dinner and act like the entire day never happened...
Went out with my buddy tonight who recently lost his brother. Man, he is pretty busted up. I am very worried about him. At least it gives me something else to think about for now. Between my buddy and Bev, I have not had much time to ponder my own F-ed up situation.
Drove home tonight to John Conley's "Rose Colored Glasses." Don't know why. I think I am starting to miss being upset and crying. Have not cried in days and I don't know why. Feeling better I guess. I followed that up with "A Picture Of Me Without You" by George Jones. Surprisingly, no tears. I am either completely numb at this point or my body can no longer produce emotion or tears. Hey, I am not complaining. I was tired of the constant bags under my eyes anyway.
Mach, I like your questions. They have made me think. To answer your question, I am going dark because we have been having quite a bit of contact lately and it is still hard. I am going dark to give myself a break from this mess. As time progresses, I find myself actually OK with the periods where we don't talk to each other for a couple of days. When we talk, I get my hopes up. Frankly, now, when I don't hear from her for awhile, I have some time to think and concentrate on myself. And, I just don't seem to get much from our conversations. Yes, we do have nice conversations, but they always turn to logistics about the move or something she needs. If she can't just talk to me like I still matter for once instead of like a concierge, I don't want to talk to her at all. After 15 years, I would think I deserve better than that. But, in her mind right now, apparently I don't. So, I don't desire the calls as much as I once did. If she needs something, she can pick up the G D'ed phone and call me. I don't have time to sit around waiting for her next demand or request. "Sweetheart, you left and I don't owe you anything." I guess that just about covers it. Hey, but please keep the questions coming. That is why I come here. I want others to keep me in line and make me think twice about the stuff I do so that I don't end up making the same mistakes over and over again. I do appreciate the feedback.
Now, off to the shower. Where's my liquid soap??
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
