Having a hard time... II

[what next?]

Well, that's why I said something to that effect in the email I sent her towards the end of December. That's when she responded by saying that she was in no way doing that and that she just had a crappy lawyer and that she just wanted the divorce to be final so that we could move on. That was when I called her and did everything wrong. After the call she texted me and said that she didn't want to talk to me if I was just going to accuse her of stuff. I replied that I understood and that night I emailed her the last really long email that I have sent her. So, in effect I have only been dark since then (right before Christmas)

Trust me, I would like to call her but I just feel like anything that I do right now is going to make her feel like I'm getting between her and her goal of being free. She thinks that that is what the divorce will do for her but I believe that after the divorce happens she will wake up and still feel like crap. Most of our issue is related to her MLC I think and she is blaming me for all of the regrets she has in life.

It does really stress me out that I have changed so much and she can't see it but she wouldn't even have lunch with my sister... she doesn't want to connect with anything that has anything do with me right now. She doesn't talk to any of our friends and I feel like the only thing that I can do is let her experience this and see what is on the other side of it. I would like to try to reach out to her but as you can see, even my trimmed down email was judged to be too much by the DB'ers here. I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong but I'm trying to give her what she asked for.