Thanks very much for your strong and supportive post. You sound more Found than Lost to me!
I started telling my story elsewhere on these boards, but there is definitely more to tell, and I'm sure the tellin' will bring some healin' so thank you for the invitation to elaborate.
How wonderful to have people like you who care!
And you know what? I think if I'm gonna tell it, then I'm gonna tell it well. If for nobody else but me.
The Story of Mike and Beckie
Chapter 1
The first thing you oughta know, is that my wife's name isn't Beckie. I have changed it here to protect the not-so innocent. No malice there, it's that the other day I sent a message to my wife, and she said I was "stressing Beckie". Having never heard the phrase before, I asked "Who the heck is Beckie?"
"You are stressing ME out!" was her immediate response. I could just see her eyes rolling in exasperation at how clueless, how oblivious, how disconnected this guy was that she had recently tied - albeit very loosely - the proverbial knot with just a few short months ago.
"Beckie" and I met on eHarmony around October of 2006. At the time, I had two or three other "irons in the fire". Meaning I had been speaking with, and even spending a little time with 3 other women from the site who seemed to have potential. But for some strange reason the idea of admitting to one woman that I was dating a couple of others seemed like an inappropriate thing to do, and so I did what I had often done in the past. I lied.
I told Beckie I wasn't really seeing anyone else. When in fact, I had just started seeing a wonderful women who had more money than God, and I was also really interested in a fascinating woman who I found physically irresistible. Both of those women seemed like pretty good matches to consider, and when Beckie and I first started talking, there really wasn't any reason not to tell her the truth.
No reason at all other than my own foolish insecurities. And that, friends and neighbors, the story of me finally overcoming my own insecurities to become a better Husband, Father, Friend and Lover, is the story I want to tell. It is a story that is still unfolding and I am still creating even as we speak.
Next Chapter
The Woman Without Guile
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
