Deja vu seems a lot different this time around...

[mj144]

Wow, where the hell has MJ144 gone?? I am still around. Still in purgatory and still hopeless. I haven't posted because I really don't have anything going on I am sorry to say. My contacts with my wife, in person, via text and via email are completely businesslike. The only thing at this point is that I told my W and the gal I'm renting a room from that I am moving out at the end of the month.

I am not sure how to approach this with my kids as I am sure it will confuse them. I figure, I will move back home until I get a job and then move out again. Confusing for the kids. I guess I shouldn't have left in the first place.

I spend so much time by myself these days, I am practically numb to my whole sitch. I sit here in limbo every day after dropping my kids off at school, I work on trying to find a job, read up on my B.I.T.S. on this forum and think about how I have accomplished absolutely nothing with regards to my M in almost 5 months. I pick my kids up, wait for my W to get home so she can pay no real attention to me and off I go. Monday through Friday.

On Wednesday, I show up to pick up my kids per my W request at 7 am so she can get to work early. She is still in her pajamas and tells me she had been up most of the night with splitting headaches. So she ends up going into work late. I get an email from her later that day saying she is going to have her parents come down to stay with the kids so she can just go to bed and rest since she is in NO this weekend for a work conference and she wants the extra rest. I was supposed to go to a school committee meeting that evening. So I tell her no I will miss the meeting and want to spend the time with the kids. She seems annoyed by this, but I insist she cancel with her parents. Anyway, she is already home in bed when I get home with the kids. I keep the kids away from her so she can rest, do their homework with them and make dinner. She comes out as I am putting the kids in bed and reheats the dinner I had made for herself. I didn't mind doing it, but would there be any words or acts of appreciation for me doing this for her? Hell no! Should I expect it, probably not. Should she, damn right she should. Instead, I get the feeling of inconveniencing her by me being there in MY house with MY kids. It's sh!t like this which leaves me with very little hope that she will ever come around.

Just needed to vent a bit.

B.I.T.S.