I haven't been at this long, but I've wondered too where they get the "script". Is it the way their brains are wired, or the effect of the mental illness? I'd never heard the paycheck line until my H used it several months pre-bomb.
SA, I'm glad you had a good visit with the L. It seems like such a big step, and one I need to make myself take very soon. Hang in there.
Question for the Vets: When the consequences of what a MLCer is doing hits them in the face and the reality of the damage they caused starts to cost them emotionally and financially, does it ever wake any of them up, or does it drive them deeper into the tunnel?
I am not suggesting this be used as a tactic, with the understanding that tactics do not work during MLC. Just a question out of curiosity.
What she said ^^^^^^^. From the vets, I'd like to know the answer to this one as well. ((HUGS SEEKING)))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
When the consequences of what a MLCer is doing hits them in the face and the reality of the damage they caused starts to cost them emotionally and financially, does it ever wake any of them up, or does it drive them deeper into the tunnel?
Seeking,
It is possible that as they begin to see the destruction, that they begin to process, note I said PROCESSNOT wake up, some of the stuff that has happened.
What seems to be a more recurring theme, is that they run further from it. For a while.
They really have to hit rock bottom before they begin the actual process of waking up. Rock bottom, is different for everyone. Then they really see things differently than they did while in the fog.
What we would think is or should be rock bottom, or what would be for us, may not be for someone else.
Our MLCer's, have ingrained within them, protective measures, that allow them to seperate things. Similar in many ways to what we learn to do here in a healthy way. They are detatched from their emotions. They know how to not feel, or avoid, bad feelings, but they also miss out on the good feelings that occur in life. When those protective measures stop working so well for them, that is when the MLC begins. The CANNOT handle or even define what they are feeling and thinking, which leads to the running. Essentially, IMO, their survival instincts kick into overdrive.
Rock bottom, is where they simply can't run anymore. Those survival instincts, just don't work. This is the time when some will commmit or attempt to commit suicide. Others, begin to make that long, hard climb out of the pit. It is also when they are the most vulnerable.
I know this isn't the answer you were hoping for.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Oh sweetie, it was more than I was hoping for. Pieces keep falling into place as I'm learning more and more about the puzzle that is my H. What you have posted makes a lot of sense and explains so much. Thank you again!
I agree Cadet. No one knows what wakes them up or if one day they just realize what they've done. Just wondered if anyone had heard of a MLCer awakening from the shock of what they're losing.
Since there always seems to be some sort of trigger that throws them into MLC, just wondered if there was a trigger that starts the awakening process as well.
Cat's post was marvellous, and I agree with everything she said. The part about them having learned to detach from their emotions to survive in the past, is so true, but as she also noted it means they cannot access the good emotions either.
We are talking very damaged people here, not guys who woke up one morning and decided to be horrible. Why some do this and others deal with it is one of life's great mysteries. However hanging on to our compassion in the face of really horrible behavour is a great challenge.
I would add that while it seems that a crisis can shock them out of it, it can also, and in many cases I think does, prolong the journey, and drive them deeper into the tunnel.
The trigger that wakes them up? I am not sure if there is one. If there were it would likely be different for everyone. And probably, if it exists, is very subtle. The trigger that appears to set it off is the tipping point If it hadn't have been that it would have been something else. They are an accident waiting to happen by that time. It isn't avoidable by then imo.
But I am proud of the way that we handle it here. We seek understanding, and enlightenment We learn and help others to focus on our own spiritual journey, and we emerge as fully fledged survivors. Quite a feat.
Cat's post was marvellous, and I agree with everything she said. The part about them having learned to detach from their emotions to survive in the past, is so true, but as she also noted it means they cannot access the good emotions either.
We are talking very damaged people here, not guys who woke up one morning and decided to be horrible. Why some do this and others deal with it is one of life's great mysteries. However hanging on to our compassion in the face of really horrible behavour is a great challenge.
I would add that while it seems that a crisis can shock them out of it, it can also, and in many cases I think does, prolong the journey, and drive them deeper into the tunnel.
The trigger that wakes them up? I am not sure if there is one. If there were it would likely be different for everyone. And probably, if it exists, is very subtle. The trigger that appears to set it off is the tipping point If it hadn't have been that it would have been something else. They are an accident waiting to happen by that time. It isn't avoidable by then imo.
But I am proud of the way that we handle it here. We seek understanding, and enlightenment We learn and help others to focus on our own spiritual journey, and we emerge as fully fledged survivors. Quite a feat.
Beatrice, I believe what you have said is spot on! I thank God I found this place and the wonderful people here who give their time to pay it forward. As I travel further down this path I realize more and more what people have gone through to gain their wisdom. You folks are truly awe inspiring. I have been blessed. Thank you all.
