Wow. Thanks Jack. I guess a lot has to do with how you look at things. I didn't even realize that the things you mentioned could be positives.
I'm going to go genetically alter some puppies....
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Ok, now here is a new one. She recently told my sister in law that she doesn't want a divorce, but wants to be married just on paper. WTF????
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
So what do I though? How do I stop the cake eating?
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Words because without the time invested they are just words, with time might come the understanding of them.
You control you, you don't control her.
How do you stop cake eating? With boundaries. And you just think you hit the jackpot, with that information.
You didn't.
A boundary is basically an ultimatium. And right now you throw out an ultimatium, and it won't go well for you, as in, you say: Be married or get out.
Now you think and hope, she'll agree to be married.
But right now, more than likely she'll get out.
And you'll be posting wondering what you did wrong, why did she leave? All you did was force her to choose a path.
That is one problem with a boundary.
The other side, is if you cannot live with the consequence of it...not her, you.
So insted of her getting out, you cave, and say, "No, no I didn't mean it."
Now you have no teeth, for the later boundaries, which must come later, you're a sheep and a push-over.
Tad,
She doesn't want divorce. Yeah it sukcs that she said she wants to be married on paper. But she doesn't want a divorce.
Read the resources. Get a feel for this, read other peoples threads too, start building up a support group, post to them, and they will in turn start posting to you.
So the real answer to how do you stop the cake eating, depends on what you want? Do you want to be married down the road? If so, my advice is: "Nothing right now."
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Good advice Jack. I DO want to be married down the road. I married her for life. While we are seperated, I guess I just wait and do nothing for now.....
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Yep. Wait and work on me. The only good that has come out of this so far is that I've gotten much closer to my boys. I actually thinks that W resents it too.
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
------Hopefully you have already done the first thing.---- The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra brand new and improved list of links.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process.(Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. GAL. Detach. Use the time that your H has given you as a gift to start to work on yourself.
P.S. Try to stick to one thread until you get to 100 posts it makes it easier to follow along.
