When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[MichelleLT]

Well miracle of all miracles....Gabe took tonight off. I think we are going to take Marc bowling and to dinner or a movie. It's a family outing, no alone time, but at least it's out ad together.

Hey hey! It's a great start! Proof that he often hears you, but doesn't act right away.

I don't like having to look in the mirror so it turns into the self-loathing inner talk for 20 minutes while I dry my hair and put on makeup. Even though I have arguments in my head telling myself I'm being ridiculous, the self-loathing side wins. That is when I cycle down again to being scared and sad. I know what is happening, I just can't seem to find a way to stop it entirely.

I know you say you can't believe things that are written, but maybe if you don't go to the other extreme with the positive self- talk it'll seem more believable to you? E.g. instead of putting a note on the mirror that says "I am unbelievably beautiful" put something like "Just because I'm not a model doesn't make me worthless". I dunno. Just tyring to brainstorm.

Also, is there a way you can change up that part of your routine? Use a small mirror or just a compact instead of standing in front of the big mirror? Blow dry your hair in another room? Just change it up, try and break out of that bad cycle.

I've worked hard for 3 years on it but no go.

So far. That doesn't mean you can't change it. Just means you haven't completely succeeded YET.

Why does anyone put any faith in another person? There is no reason for anyone to be honest or faithful let alone actually stay with someone for life. So, why do we expect that when someone makes a vow they will honor it? We are just setting ourselves up for this pain aren't we?

Why have you stayed with Gabe your whole adult life and been honest and faithful then??? Yes, there are people out there who will cut and run. Yes, there are people out there who will cheat. Mostly, they are the same people. And a lot of them never learn. But people CAN change.

Why give someone another chance? Cuz you take the same risk with a new person. It's always a risk. But there are people out there who will stay and be faithful. Just look at how long Jeff and hiw XW were living in separate rooms, and he didn't cheat on her, nor did she cheat on him. Proof that it can be done.

Guess that means we all just picked shitty XHs LOL. Seriously though, Gabe was there for you for a LOT of years before all this crap, and now he's back in your life. That does mean something.

It means that when they cheat and/or cut and run they are in a bad place. They are depressed and hopeless and beyond frustrated.

Marriage is just a piece of paper unless you BELIEVE it's more. Unless there is an underlying commitment there. You can have that commitment without the marriage, and you can have the marriage without the commitment. It's all a risk.

It could possibly all be an act and there is no way to know.

Sure there is, their actions. They either bail or they don't.