You really got me thinking. That’s always a good thing. Thank you SO much for responding to me.
The moment I hit submit on my last post, I thought to myself, “what am I so resentful of?”
I resent my h.
I resent the hell out of that dang vette. I have fantasies involving a sledge hammer and a key. That car note is so over the top.
I resent him for never dealing with these issues surrounding our D16 and his parents at the beginning.
I resent the things he has said to me in the last year and the way it made me feel.
I resent him for not getting himself help.
UGH!
When I was 19 I went into treatment for anorexia. It has been a lifelong journey of examining myself. I was in counseling for years. I was sexually abused by a much older cousin when I was only 3-4 years old. Unlike most people, I always remembered my abuse and it was quite severe. I had a date rape experience when I was 14 and then again at 18. My anorexia spiraled out of control. For me anorexia was not a perfection thing like it is for so many young women. It was about control. I couldn’t control my F’s drinking nor my M’s constant excuses for his behavior, but I could control what went in my mouth. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. You can quit smoking or drinking, but you have to learn how to eat and take care of yourself.
I have worked so hard to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin.
It really never stops.
I have taken Bible studies on women’s issues and spent the majority of my adult life looking at myself.
It’s very frustrating to watch someone sit in their garbage.
When I found out about my h’s massage, I went into counseling again for about 4 months. So much had happened at that point that I felt myself embracing that familiar cloak of victimhood. It was like a warm blanket that I could wrap around myself and know what to expect. It was a smelly, nasty blanket and I didn’t care for it so much any more.
It feels good that even with everything that’s happened in the last year, I still haven’t picked that one back up.
I do have a question. How does one deal with someone in MLC that doesn’t want to leave and still at home? Go about life as normal? Just focus on myself and the kids?
