Ok buddy going to brooklyn right now but I will respond as promised. I think we really are in a very similar state of mind and can probably help each other int the mean time I will leave you with this. Maybe the words seem familiar.............
2Step - I really think that you and I are in a very similar phase of this process. Our W's still love us, but just don't know if they can trust us not to continue to inflict the type of wounds to them that we have in the past.
The underlying facts or our stich's may be different, but the type of pain that we have inflicted on our W's is VERY similar... the way that we have made them feel. My W has told me that she often felt that it was 2 against 1 (my SS and I vs. her). Even the fact that there is a step child involved in your sitch... which I didn't realize was not your W's daughter until today. SS make things particularly difficult too bc there is always that sense that someone, either the step child or the step parent, doesn't completely fit into the puzzle. Mixed families are all that more difficult to make succeed.
In any case, I think that you and I are past, or almost past, the phase that MichelleLT described as "reducing negative feelings" and into that developing friendship phase. We have to continue with this bc this is what our W's need right now. We need to have patience.
Give you W time to realize that her unhappiness is NOT all the result of your actions or inactions. I honestly believe that when my W left she blamed me for all of her unhappiness. I also think that she is beginning to realize that I was NOT solely responsible. Your W will too. You just need to be there when she does.
Your W still loves you A LOT. It is very clear from her words. Just be there for her right now man.
Now, if you'd just cut and past this to my thread to tell me the same thing.
