After my visit to OK my W told me. "no promises and one day at a time" We agreed to talk more often and for the first week I was home we did, everyday. Sometimes short and sometimes long. She would laugh and say "every conversation can't be 2 hours long. It's funny when I was there I couldn't get you to talk, now I can't get you to shut up"
I smile when I think about this. So what happened between that time and now. On Xmas day I called her in the morning to wish her a merry xmas and to thank her for the gift. Now talking to my W in the morning is not a good idea she is not a morning person. We talked for a few minutes and the conversation turned to the M. She made two comments that hurt my ego.
"talking to you is your xmas present" she said jokingly but it bruised.
"I talk to you because I feel sorry for you" That one really bruised but I let it go.
Later that night I called to see if she had liked the present and she said "oh yeah. it was very nice thank you" I was upset she had not called to thank me considering it was a awesome present. At this time my mind was not right still. I could not see the little victories. We spoke for a few minutes and agreed to talk the next day.
She did not call. Then 2 days passed and she did not call. My friends advised me to send her a text just telling her I was done. So I did. I was angry with her for not calling because I thought we should start making commitments right away. Basically I told her "you can't fire me because I quit" We spoke the next day and I'll save you the details but she was not happy.
Her main point was "everything can't be on your terms. this has to be on my terms."
I took that as a sign that she was willing to try again when she was ready.
A week to the day of that conversation she filed.
Do you see the theme here? Because we are so clouded by our desire to reconcile right away we fail to really make progress. I would have been so much further but for my desperation.
If my mind would have been right and I truly had made the changes I claimed to have made I would not have sent that text, I would not have been angry that she did not call. I would of respected her space.
By the way that song from Pearl Jam has been playing all day on my iphone. Thanks for sharing.......
