The weather keeping us in can be our enemy. I have been dealing with a snow storm on a weekly basis here in Jersey since December and that made my Jan a very miserable month along with other factors that you are aware off. After I found you and the BITS things got better.
I will say FOBD I never tire of your dreams or stories but I have to agree with Mach take a cold shower . What are your thoughts on VDay?
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I think we all should get together and have a huge party and say F-U to our WAS/MLC'ers! In a very lovingly way of course....!
On a more serious note....I got my H a card and put it in a shoebox with other notes that I have been keeping for him. Maybe someday he'll get what's in the box, maybe someday he won't - but that's what I've been doing. It gives me comfort for some reason.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
2step, I am going to ignore it. I have a very unique situation. My W actually hates V-Day. Yep, it's true. For years, I didn't have to do anything on that day and she was completely fine with that. No kidding. Every year, I would try to do something and she would stop me claiming it was a made-up holiday. Oh, I am sure that the Canadian douche will get her something, but I am going to ignore the entire thing.
I have to, I have much more pressing things to address. First, my brother is getting married in March. I am the best man. My W and my future SIL have become best friends and even after the S, they hung out. I informed my future SIL last weekend that my W will not be attending the wedding. She became upset and asked why. I informed her that their wedding was going to be a happy day for me also and I would not have a walking, talking, physical reminder of my own crushed marriage hanging around all day. Not to mention, weddings are for family and friends. Since she took my ring off and pranced all over Canada posing herself as single, she no longer qualifies as family or friend. My future SIL looked at my brother as if to get him to "over-rule" me. He looked her right in the face and stated, "It is his decision and I will back what he decides." My little bro is the best. He understands the principle that "blood is thicker than water." My love, when you dump your husband, you don't get to keep his family as a consolation prize...
Then, my 10th anniversary is the week after that. Well, I guess there will be no anniversary vacation this year. Maybe I will just go somewhere alone. Oh, and here is the real kicker, V Day is also my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. But my mother will spend it alone because my father passed 11 years ago. So, I will probably take my mother out to dinner and act like the entire day never happened...
Went out with my buddy tonight who recently lost his brother. Man, he is pretty busted up. I am very worried about him. At least it gives me something else to think about for now. Between my buddy and Bev, I have not had much time to ponder my own F-ed up situation.
Drove home tonight to John Conley's "Rose Colored Glasses." Don't know why. I think I am starting to miss being upset and crying. Have not cried in days and I don't know why. Feeling better I guess. I followed that up with "A Picture Of Me Without You" by George Jones. Surprisingly, no tears. I am either completely numb at this point or my body can no longer produce emotion or tears. Hey, I am not complaining. I was tired of the constant bags under my eyes anyway.
Mach, I like your questions. They have made me think. To answer your question, I am going dark because we have been having quite a bit of contact lately and it is still hard. I am going dark to give myself a break from this mess. As time progresses, I find myself actually OK with the periods where we don't talk to each other for a couple of days. When we talk, I get my hopes up. Frankly, now, when I don't hear from her for awhile, I have some time to think and concentrate on myself. And, I just don't seem to get much from our conversations. Yes, we do have nice conversations, but they always turn to logistics about the move or something she needs. If she can't just talk to me like I still matter for once instead of like a concierge, I don't want to talk to her at all. After 15 years, I would think I deserve better than that. But, in her mind right now, apparently I don't. So, I don't desire the calls as much as I once did. If she needs something, she can pick up the G D'ed phone and call me. I don't have time to sit around waiting for her next demand or request. "Sweetheart, you left and I don't owe you anything." I guess that just about covers it. Hey, but please keep the questions coming. That is why I come here. I want others to keep me in line and make me think twice about the stuff I do so that I don't end up making the same mistakes over and over again. I do appreciate the feedback.
Now, off to the shower. Where's my liquid soap??
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
ugh i'm SO dreading V-Day.. i wish there was such thing as a temporary lobotomy so I could bypass that day with no emotional consequences.
I love the idea of putting special mementos and letters in a shoe box.
Well girls, then I expect you to start your own shoe boxes! Go for it!
Whenever I get a thought I just jot in down on a piece of paper and throw it in the box. It could be as simple as I miss you today and I'll put the date on it. I even put the date on the envelope of the cards where the stamp would go if it's a holiday. Like I said, it just gives me comfort for some strange reason.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
To answer your question, I am going dark because we have been having quite a bit of contact lately and it is still hard. I am going dark to give myself a break from this mess. As time progresses, I find myself actually OK with the periods where we don't talk to each other for a couple of days. When we talk, I get my hopes up. Frankly, now, when I don't hear from her for awhile, I have some time to think and concentrate on myself.
Maybe leave it at that...
Originally Posted By: FellOnBlackDays
And, I just don't seem to get much from our conversations. Yes, we do have nice conversations, but they always turn to logistics about the move or something she needs. If she can't just talk to me like I still matter for once instead of like a concierge, I don't want to talk to her at all. After 15 years, I would think I deserve better than that. But, in her mind right now, apparently I don't. So, I don't desire the calls as much as I once did. If she needs something, she can pick up the G D'ed phone and call me. I don't have time to sit around waiting for her next demand or request. "Sweetheart, you left and I don't owe you anything." I guess that just about covers it.
Because this doesn't shine you in a very good light...
It's okay to feel this way, in fact you need to feel this way....
But it needs to be processed emotionally, and in a healthy way.
Use that anger as a shield to protect yourself against her craziness right now.
If you don't process that, you will find you are using that as a sword instead..
As far as V-day....
I'll say it first and save some of the shock for those who choose to give their wayward spouse a gift or some sappy card to commemorate the day......
It's a Hallmark Holiday, made up to sell cards and candy once a year......
Congratz on your brother getting M I am a little sour on the whole M thing now a days, go figure. I was thinking about that on my way home "man if it didn't work out with this woman who could I work it out with" but there is hope for us still I am sure of it.
. What are your thoughts on VDay?