Drive The Bus, Or Be The Passenger?

[Kemper]

I was taking a shower this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized just how unattractive my behavior has been over the past few weeks with all the cycling and insecurity. How the thoughts of W and OM have not been constructive, how my confidence has actually gone down since spending time again with W. These behaviors and cycles are something that I have to break.

The comment about your regret with reconciling really hit me Lotus. Was that regret something that was only in the beginning when you were considering reconciliation, during reconciliation, or was it something that came up after you reconciled? What was your fear in never experiencing that feeling again?

My W and I have been doing a bunch of stuff together to build new positive memories. It has been pleasurable but as I stated above some of the things that I have been doing I can now see were very unattractive. Sometimes I just wonder if subconsciously I am trying to sabotage the reconciliation by not just being in the moment and letting some of the past go.