DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[2stepboogie]

Scared,

Ok I thought it was a little weird to but hey, they are going on a cruise and your W has an opinion. OK. Good for her. Everyone has one. I don't think this would even be worth arguing about. I would say something along the lines as "you know maybe your right." this reminds me of when my W would complain about something my brother did. At first I would fight her in defense of my family but after awhile I figured doesn't matter what she says they are still my family and so is she. So I would listen and complain and that was that.

[ScaredinCanada]

Scared,

Can I be honest? I was a bit taken aback by what your parents said also. But I'm not there, I don't have a clue about the situation and yes, it's likely that she is enjoying taking shots.

But for her to make moral judgments right now is pretty funny. Perhaps you should go get her a mirror? What would I do? Ignore her. It's not her concern what your parents do. And I especially wouldn't be worried about her judgments at the moment. It really isn't worth a response because all it would do is get you in an argument. Our job is to diffuse the situation not elevate it. So that's what you'll need to do right now.

Take care of yourself. I'm praying for you.

LIS

Thanks LIS.

I have mixed emotions about it (what else is new).

I'm not going to argue about it, my W is welcome to her opinion. I just think she wants to take shots at them when she can.

Ya I agree about the moral judgements, I wanted to call her out on that so bad. A few months ago I would have, but not anymore. I'm detaching like crazy and diffusing the sitch.

Thanks for your support.

BITS
SIC

[lostinscared]

Honestly, this was one of my favorite stages in the collapse of my marriage (read: sarcasm)

But it is a stage, nonetheless. For some reason these WAS's love the button pushing. I learned patience, that's for sure! Obviously, you've learned that lesson even better than I!!!

Feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for my H. I told him that the other day. They are hell bent on being miserable. My H used to be the funniest, most up beat person I know. Now, he's pretty much a miserable person to be around. And, apparently, it's not just with me! I may not be a ball of laughs, but at least I'm doing something to change my circumstances.

Don't worry SIC, you're doing awesome!!! I'm praying for you!

LIS

[ScaredinCanada]

LOL - so I get home tonight and my W is making dinner.

She happens to be wearing those LULU pants (or whatever they are called), man her arse looked incredible I couldn't help but give it a little smack. This time she really didn't seem to appreciate, and she made a comment to the effect "You don't get it, I don't want to be with you", and then followed it with "I don't get one, one day you seem all interested in me and other times you seem like you want nothing to do with me." So it would appear to a point the detaching is working - but obviously not 100%. The smacks on the butt I guess don't come across as "Hey I'm detached!" lol

Anyways, I wanted to goto to the gym after dinner - but she had plans to go out to the show. Again, this is by herself.

So I ask what she's planning to see and she says "The Dilema", and I just start laughing. She says to me, "What's so funny". I said, "You obviously have no idea what that movie is about?!"

She said "No, but Vince Vaughn and Kevin James are in it and I like both of them".

So I told her what it was about, and she says "Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean I can't like it."

She is retarded, crazy retarded...ahhhh. It's a movie maing fun, making light of the fact that his buddy finds out his W is cheating on him, and he struggles with how or whether to tell him.

Whatever. The second she walks in the door I'm gone to the gym. Kids will be in bed, and she can dream about being with someone else.

[Denver_2010]

I'm a big fan of those two actors too... but I have absolutely NO desire to see that movie bc of what it is about!! Not a funny topic from our point of view I guess.

BITS
Denver

[lostinscared]

Ok, I saw the movie. In fact, I saw the movie about an hour after my H announced our separation (I'm into S&M obviously). I absolutely love those two actors too... but the movie was awful. The last half hour was absolutely hysterical but other than that, I should have waited until it hit the TV.

Scared... your wife is an alien and crazy. My H so did and said the same things!!!! He tells me he's leaving (it's a hobby for him at this point - pretty expensive one as he's picked out a $1700 apt. that he's had for 3 weeks but hasn't bothered leaving yet, but I digress). Anyway, he says he's leaving then gets pissy because I seem to be distant. Now, I probably did the detaching wrong... given that his main complaint about me is that he didn't feel loved and appreciated, I probably should have done things a bit differently. Anyway, my point (which is probably lost at this point because I'm long-winded) is that she's crazy right now. They all are. If we could start a website for WAS's and sold them some drugs to get them off the roller coaster, we'd make a killing!!!!

Keep the faith. Have a blast at the gym. I love going to the gym - it helps me blow off a tremendous amount of steam.

I am praying for you!

[Bolt]

SIC!
not to rain on the parade but the detached thing does mean to stop the touching/smacking. I know it stinks because it sounds like that's what you guys did in the past but realize, she's different now. Unfortunately, that's what it is.

BUT the good news is she may still come back. But dude, you need to truly detach. Think about this. Now she gets all po'd at you. It puts her right back in the frame of mind of "See? I was right. He will never change."

Detaching will help you show you are different - if indeed you want to.

This all [censored] I know but you have to do it if you want it to work...

[habitacker]

I was amazed that the first smack in the butt came off as good as it did.

The second, not so good.

Bolt has a good point for more than 1 reason. We are supposed to detach for all the reasons we have already heard a million times, but I think I just saw an example, or experiment for you.

1 time she liked it. She has shown interest before. Hmmm, what if you detach and it all suddenly stops? She might just come looking for it.

This might be stupid, but it is something that came to mind.

[habitacker]

Oh yea, and what do you do if she does? It might be a trick. You need to be one step ahead of them.

[ScaredinCanada]

Last night I went over to a buddy place to play poker and watch a hockey game on TV. I didn't tell the W were I was going at all. I didn't get home until 2am.

So this morning, W looking fantastic again (reversing the sitch on me?!), she immediately asks me where I went last night. I just said "To a friends place, to play cards." She kept digging, "Which friend". I just said, "Oh you don't know him he plays on my hockey team" and left it at that.

After breakfast we were getting the girls ready for dance, and had some time to kill. W is sitting on the couch and I decide to sit down with her (not cuddling or anything, just on the same couch). She turns and says, "What are you doing?" I just said that I was sitting down for minute. Then she asks, "Why are you looking at me?" I just said, "I've always told you that I think your beautiful, and I'm still just admiring that." She responds, "You don't get it, I don't love you and I don't even find you attractive anymore - you annoy me."

I annoy her because I speak the truth, and I'm not buying into her plan. I told her that I truly believed that we were married to be together forever, through good, bad and even the worst situations. I will continue to try my best to be a better, father, husband and person. I know exactly how you feel, and I understand but at the same time I have to do what I believe is right and that is to fight for my family and my marriage.

To be honest, I don't really think I am hurting anything by what I'm saying. I believe it makes me look strong and confident.

She finished by saying, "I'm never going to change my mind, I don't want to work on us".

I guess we'll see what happens in MC.