I am so glad you have returned, the board is not complete without you. What you have done is an amazing thing and I am honored to call you "El Capitant" of the BITS! The sad part is I can totally relate to her pain. I'm also feeling better today. If you have time a lot has happened in these last few days you have been gone not just with me but with all of your BITS.
Some words I shared with Denver tonight I will share with you
I am here again, in a familiar place feeling something I've felt before, wondering why it's still here, why I didn't deal with it more fully before. But I'm glad I have a second chance at it......and I know that if I need a third chance, I'll get it. I also know that if it comes up again, I'll recognize it sooner and deal with it more readily. This is growth. And, I am happy to be Alive!
You know FOBD I've been having some similiar situations. Not to the degree of Bev's but people who know my H left find some weird comfort in telling me that they hvae problems w/in their own M and ask if I can recommend some books and/or ask me for advice.
It does really make you feel good and it keeps our knowledge going. We all really have indeed learned something and continue to represent ourselves better everyday. WE ROCK!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
2step, I am headed over to your post now to catch up. Man, you spend one night away from this thing and you get really behind.
Zen, you are damned right... WE DO ROCK! We rock hard! Today, I did something that may have saved another victim of this crap and, more importantly, I did it for no other reason other than it needed to be done. Not to make myself more attractive to my W. I did it for me. I did it for BEV and I feel great. I know in the back of my head tomorrow might be tough as this fades, but for today, I do feel wonderful.
Wife, wherever you are tonight, I wish you peace and happiness. I will always love you. Your H is becoming quite a man and you should really start to worry that you are going to lose him forever...
BITS!!!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Exactly FOBD. Doesn't it give you a rush when you help people in the same boat as us? It's just the coolest feeling.
Lovin' the last sentence! You tell her wherever she may be and as stuck as she still shall be!
Dude, you SO need to come up to the NE and party with us fellow DB'ers!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Zen, No offense, but I think I will wait until summer time to visit you. HA!! Us southern boys can't handle driving in the snow very well. Now, throw a hurricane at me and I will do just fine. I survived many of those. But I would be completely lost in 6" of snow!!!
None the less, it would be a ton of fun to have dinner and drinks as a group. OK, maybe just one drink... HA!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
That is a great story FOBD. I'm having a difficult night... a difficult week actually. Your experience with Bev lifted my spirits somewhat. Thank you for sharing that.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
It doesn't surprise me at all that you took the time to help Bev. You have spent so much time with all of us. It is so strange the people that have been sent into our path to teach us a lesson. Sometimes you weren't sure how you were doing, you weren't sure if you were recovering, you were unsure of yourself. Yesterday, someone was sent in your path to show you just how far you have come. That is just awesome.
I am glad that you are back!!! It isn't the same without FOBD around here.
Any interactions with your W?
I hope that you are doing well! I am praying for you!
Denver, sorry to hear you are struggling this week. I am sure the weather is not helping. I am home today because of ice. I am sure our conditions pale in comparison to yours, but we southerners don't really know how to handle this as well as you guys. If you need some help, reach out. I will be on and off the forum all day. Keep your head up, buddy!
Lost, not much interaction with W right now. She was supposed to go west yesterday to see her sister. The problem is that she would be heading right into an ice storm. I was already in the location of the storm and was trying to get home by going east. I had some issues with ice on my vehicle and the roads. I knew she was going to be driving into "the teeth of the hydra," so I began to worry. But, I had a problem to confront. When we were together, she hated when I tried to tell her what to do. Now that she is out on her own, I find times where she acts like an *ss just to go against my advice. But, I do still love her and was worried about her safety. So, I broke down and called her.
Of course, she didn't answer so I left a message. She called back 30 minutes later. I wanted to tell her to stay home. I wanted to tell her I was too worried about her to let her drive into this mess. But, I can't do that now. So, I just told her that the roads were a bit dicey, gave her some examples of what I had been through and let it go at that. Strangely, at one point, she asked me, "What should I do? I really want to go, but I don't want to get stuck on the road." I think she is either starting to miss me or was testing me. I am not sure. Anyway, I said, "(name), my experience on the roads out here this morning was not good, but you will have to make your own decision as to what you are willing to risk. You may want to give your plans some serious thoughts" and I left it at that. I then ended the call.
I don't know what she decided as I am going dark for a couple of days. I don't know if she got there OK or if she just stayed home. It is killing me. But, I have to let this go. She is 36 and can make her own decisions... and will have to live with the results. If she is stranded on a road somewhere right now, it is not my fault and there is nothing I can do about it. I do, however, wish her the best of luck and I hope she got there safe if she ventured out.
Unfortunately, I had three different dreams about her last night. In every one of them, we were reunited. I don't really remember the details of the first two, but I do remember the last one. In the third one, we were on a camping trip with a bunch of other couples. The other couples were friends of mine and knew she left me. At one point, they got mad and turned on her during the trip. They made her pack her stuff and go sleep in an abandoned shack away from the campsite because they were pissed about her leaving me. When they turned on her, I didn't defend her. I let her leave the campsite. But, during the night, I sneaked away and found her in the shack. We talked about our problems and then it got a bit racy. We made incredible love in the shack and I woke up right after the dream. I am a bit down today, but I am doing OK. Stuck in the house because of weather. I miss her touch so much. In 15 years, I never, NEVER got tired of making love to her. It has been 7 months since we made love. I would do anything to touch her right now. But, I will press on and think of BEV today instead!!!
Hang in there team! BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Zen, No offense, but I think I will wait until summer time to visit you. HA!! Us southern boys can't handle driving in the snow very well. Now, throw a hurricane at me and I will do just fine. I survived many of those. But I would be completely lost in 6" of snow!!!
None the less, it would be a ton of fun to have dinner and drinks as a group. OK, maybe just one drink... HA!
FOBD
FOBD - You know you Southern boys don't just have 1 drink! ;-) I have friends who live in NOLA (not sure if that's where you are) - I've heard about the drive-thru Daquiri places!!!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I think she is either starting to miss me or was testing me. I am not sure. Anyway, I said, "(name), my experience on the roads out here this morning was not good, but you will have to make your own decision as to what you are willing to risk. You may want to give your plans some serious thoughts" and I left it at that. I then ended the call.
Although it shouldn't have happened at all....you finished well.
She may be missing you, she may be testing you...she may be making little sparkly things fly out of her a$$ for the circus ...
You really don't know.
These kinds of things can keep YOU on the roller coaster if you aren't careful...the mindreading stuff.
Originally Posted By: FellOnBlackDays
I don't know what she decided as I am going dark for a couple of days.
I'm gonna ask why here...
The reason I ask why, is because it reads as if it is a ploy to drag the mindreading " I think she misses me" out of her a little quicker.
I'm not saying to not go dark, just make sure you aren't doing it for a reaction from her. Do it because you are actually too busy to stand still and wait for her to contact you....
Originally Posted By: FellOnBlackDays
Unfortunately, I had three different dreams about her last night. In every one of them, we were reunited. I don't really remember the details of the first two, but I do remember the last one. In the third one, we were on a camping trip with a bunch of other couples. The other couples were friends of mine and knew she left me. At one point, they got mad and turned on her during the trip. They made her pack her stuff and go sleep in an abandoned shack away from the campsite because they were pissed about her leaving me. When they turned on her, I didn't defend her. I let her leave the campsite. But, during the night, I sneaked away and found her in the shack. We talked about our problems and then it got a bit racy. We made incredible love in the shack and I woke up right after the dream. I am a bit down today, but I am doing OK. Stuck in the house because of weather. I miss her touch so much. In 15 years, I never, NEVER got tired of making love to her. It has been 7 months since we made love. I would do anything to touch her right now.
Dude...you need a nice long shower...hot or cold at this point : )
