Reading the chapter on Forgiving Injuries in Hold Me Tight has been enlightening. The author states that one cannot have a healing conversation about past injuries until they are communicating on an intimate level about minor injuries on a regular basis. Distant couples do not heal. It is possible for couples to have some degree of connection without healing trauma, but not intimacy.
The author also frames relationship injuries as an inevitable part of a long-term relationship. I've been ashamed of the types of injuries and problems my M has endured. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
My W and I sleep together, but do not touch. The only touching we do is when we dance. My W sits at her computer desk to watch television, distant from me.
I'm percolating ideas of what I can do to change patterns that contribute to distance.
I'm reading a memoir called Grace and Grit by Ken Wilber, a psychologist who lost his wife to breast cancer. The theme of death has returned, as my W has persistent respiratory symptoms. I want to prepare myself for her death, as I think I'm going to live longer than her. She signed up for personal training at our fitness center. It starts next week.
She joined our local ballroom chapter, and intends on going to the monthly dances. She was uncomfortable at the ballroom dance on Saturday night. but stayed over two hours. Classmates from our studio sat together at the same table, which made the evening go much better. I cut the evening short for her, and took her out to dinner.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
