Sun, I posted to you occasionally over the last couple of years, mostly about starting up a new relationship before you had closed out the old. I am reluctant to jump in here, because there is a lot of emotion passing through, which really should be set aside. You returned for a reason, after several months away, and I suspect it has something to do with some discomfort about your current R. I may be wrong. Only you know the truth.
I will not -- and as an agnostic, cannot -- speak to anything religious about your current R. Nor will I judge your decisions in any way that is outside of the scope of these boards. We are here to both support and challenge you, though, and I hope you take my comments with that in mind.
In my opinion -- and all I know of you is what I have read here -- you have not developed a true sense of self yet. You have not spent significant time truly alone, learning to be comfortable and happy with you. You still do not value yourself enough to accept nothing less than what you deserve -- someone who longs to be with you, and will cherish, protect and commit to you. And as painful as his actions are, you have not made peace with the fact that your son is an adult, his choices are his, and have little to do with you, your needs, or how much you love him. You are still broken and needy, and will accept far less in your Rs than you deserve.
This is what I see. I'm sorry if it upsets you. If it does, please dig into it.
I wish you only the best, no matter how you go forward.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
