Let me please clarify something to all of you because it seems that there is some misunderstanding about my opinion on YR's marriage. I would never suggest to anyone that they not try and save a marriage, I am pro marriage 110%. I did not imply nor state that she should not do what she feels in her heart. I get that.
BUT.... we know there is always a big but with me
Battling through a MLC is a very tough situation. It takes courage and strength beyond what is normal and tolerated in society today. Remember we are living in a time of disposable marriages, as sad as it is to say, it is the truth.
We come here and we try to find support as we wage this incredibly hard battle. We cry, we get angry, we get depressed, we give up (sometimes many times), we gain courage, we learn about ourselves, we see the symphonic humor in the bizzarre, we doubt ourselves, we hurt so badly we just want the pain to stop, and we heal.
Yellow has been through all of these emotions and probably many that I have failed to mention. This place also is designed for just that, helping people through these tough times. I however am a realist and understand that what people who post on here are going to tell yellow is based on someone taking on this journey for the first time. It is simply not the same the second time around. We are armed with knowledge. Knowledge can be dangerous if not properly maintained and understood.
Here are some realities about what we do when we deal with MLC the first time:
[list] [*]we set boundaries that are tough, but still allow us to view our marriages coming back together.
[*]we allow ourselves to be treated in a manner which later we view as insane and in a way we lose a little bit of our pride because we allowed that to happen.
[*]Those who survive the MLC still struggle sometimes with the same trust issues that those of us who do not succeed struggle with.
[*]We take an inflated amount of the blame for the failure of our marriage and become the kings and queens of hindsight.
I will stop there because my point can be made without having to write a dissertation on what we go through. When you climb the mountain and you reach the pinnacle you do not necessarily want to go through what you had to go through the same way again. You are now armed with experience and knowledge that will help you make your climb more efficiently.
Yellowrose, you know when to say when. You know what you fealt after it came back together and what you didnt. You also know which parts of the climb you want to forgoe. I want to make it very clear to you that my point to you in all of what I have posted is simply this; Once you have done this one time and faught that battle, you do not have to fight it again questioning if you failed or gave up! You also have to be smart enough to know that what hurt you (and by hurt you I mean caused permanent scars or damage) the first time and avoid those sacrifices that caused you regret later on. You know what those were.
People all over the world use the expression " would I do it all again, you bet, I may just do some things a little differently". YR, think about what you would do differently and stand firm on those ideals. For what its worth, my big thing with you is simply not wanting you to feel the same hurts and pains that you could have avoided the first time. While I know you are stronger now and doing good, you and I both know that there are those inner thoughts that we have that we simply swallow and try not to let anyone else see, they suck.
Sorry if I was long winded here YR, I do not really post anymore, I just saw your sitch, and know its different and needs different than what you sometimes get here.
