Correct. She has lost trust and respect. Her re-writing history and editing out all the good stuff is classic behaviour. Do not focus on it, do not even give it any value right now. To earn back her respect and trust, you are going to need to prove through your actions that you can change. How bad do you want this? If you have not given up the porn 100% by now, you have some more work to do on that. Put your energy into your job search and yourself.
I've given up on porn, and thankfully have been able to kill the related triggers.
[quote] It also seems like you have not forgiven yourself for your past mistakes. To truly move forward, you will need to do so. Stop beating yourself up over what you have done, you are human. Work on healing and not punishing yourself mentally so much.
I can see that sometimes the guilt in me shows its face. At times I still cry because of this, and I think it's normal. But I'm not living in the past, cuz that's just too depressing. On a side note, I think sometimes I get leery of who might be reading my posts. Call me paranoid, but I don't want to downplay the effect of porn on my wife and our lives too much. Confused?
[--edited by dbmod: advertising, link not approved]
It's a support site for porn addicts and their spouses. Well, if you notice, that post is almost identical to one I wrote here, and note the harsher responses I got over there vs. here. ...Now do you see that I've become paranoid to the point that I've probably become overly sensitive to the readers here?
Quote:
Too much emphasis on her. Stop doing it for her and saying it is for her. You are providing/cooking for yourself and your kid now. You don't mind if she has some of it. If she is truly not wanting to take advantage, she will at a minimum thank you for the meal.
Got it! I see that now.
Quote:
She is being blatantly disrepectful here and you just take it. You need to push back on her when she is rude to you. You need to challenge her when she speaks badly of you. You wont earn her respect back unless you stand up for yourself.
"Why would you say something like that when you know it is not true? If you truly do not want to take advantage of me when I cook for you, you would simply say thank you instead of being rude to me."
Very good point. This the area I'm perhaps weakest in discerning -- is it a battle worth fighting over, is it something I need to stand up for, or do I want to sound controlling to her (and right now she thinks everything I say is controlling anyway)?
Quote:
Hmmm, and why is she interested again? I thought she said she was done with you? You may not see it but I do.
My wild-thinkin' mind is saying she wants me to have a job so she can leave this house with a free conscience, that I can support our son and pay my end of the bills, not to mention my own rent.
Quote:
Are you doing any new GAL activities? Exercise/hanging out with friends/a new hobby? Anything to take your mind off the situation and let off steam/stress?
Plenty. And most of them, I feel are complete 180s for me too. Making friends, volunteer, increasing my online presence (Facebook, blogging, linkedin, etc.), exercising (yoga, running, walking, hiking), reading actual books, working on the car. I used to do most of these things a lot before I met my wife, so going back to them makes me feel better.
