I am so very sorry that you are hurting right now. I understand the devastation of the lies. My H wouldn't know what the truth was if it came up and smacked him straight upside his stupid little head (no, I'm not angry ).
Here's the thing... it would not be easier if you didn't have to see her. Go over and ask Dixie who is in a tremendous amount of pain. What's your end goal here?? Do you want to stay married, are you not sure or are you out completely? I get the impression that you want to stay M. If that is true, then you have to stop saying what you are saying. How do I know? I was angry and I let it fester and it showed. Sure, I could plaster on that stupid little smile, but I could not put my anger away. My H is now leaving. And you know what? I said the same things you did. I wanted him out and I didn't want to see him. Now I'm devastated.
My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to go through what you are going through and watching the destruction of your family. It is especially hard to watch your W go out with a "loser" and not be angered by that. My hunch is, though, that situation is probably pretty short-lived in the main scheme of things. Where are you going to be when that happens? That's what you need to decide. But try to put the anger away if you can (I'm struggling with that myself). You are only hurting yourself in the end. You have done great with being a responsible parent and a responsible H trying to find any means to save his marriage. You deserve peace.
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