It sounds as though your H opened the door a wee bit for the "talk" in is his own way with the glass of wine and saying "sit someplace, and I'll follow you". I think this is encouraging, if for no other reason than that he was showing respect with regard to your request for some time with him.
Has your H always been a bit indirect in his communications?
Yes, H has always been one to avoid any "feeling" conversations. In fact, that was one othe things he said OW did for him, was discuss feelings, whereas I was floored. For years, I couldn't get anything remotely touchy feely out of him. My sister, who lived with us for over 5 years in college, was just as surprised. Earlier, he did send even stronger signals to not go there - how tough his day was, how tempramental the staff at work was, etc.
Quote: In fact, that was one othe things he said OW did for him, was discuss feelings
His idea of "discussing feelings" may not be what you and I think of as really discussing feelings. It might have been something brief and/or not all that deep.
How are things going on other fronts - as in other conversations between you and H?
We were just visiting the topic of conversing with a relationsip-topic-shy spouse over in my neck of the woods.
Kelli, I had been wondering what had happened to ya....glad to see you finally decided to move over to piecing ( actually, you belonged here a LONG time ago). One of the things I have noticed about your sitch is that you seem to take one step backwards for every two steps forward. You ARE going to make it lady....you have a wonderful head on your shoulders that is packed with wisdom. (Now to just listen to what your inner soul is telling you).
H is starting to open up, but you, like most of us here, have a real problem with the PATIENCE thing. H is starting to come out of his shell,(although very slowly), so be sure to give him the time and space that he needs.
Welcome to your new dwellings!! (Wish I was going to be a neighbor )
Wishing, I think you will be. Your H just is the epitome of stubborn. Got a bad case of the blues last night, ending with tears during the night. I don't know why. Nothing is wrong. Work is good, family is good, H is behaving. Just felt alone and very sad. I must have woke H up, and he asked what was wrong, and all I could say was I honestly didn't know. He held me for a while, and I got a hold of myself, but wish I could shake the blues for good. Felt better this morning, and sent an email to H, saying thanks for putting up with it, and that it helps when I am appreciated and wanted. We'll see what he answers, if he does. I know he's under pressure at work, issues with making payroll this month, and I don't want to add to the pressure. Gotta remember to detach, keep my bad feelings away from H and to keep giving him time.
Quote: don't worry about it, I just feel sometimes like I cause your blues and I know I am not perfect but am trying to show you are appreciated and spending time with you . I just sometimes don't know what to do. I want to please you and then I think I fail at it. love you too.
Replied back that He's not failing me at all, but don't know how to take things to the next level. We're both still avoiding eggshells, I think.
I'm not so sure its about taking it to the "next" level as so much as becoming more comfortable with / accepting where you are at right now is good before pushing it to be better.
Sorry Kelli, but I have to disagree with you. You are an amazingly patient person as far as I'm concerned.
Quote: don't worry about it, I just feel sometimes like I cause your blues and I know I am not perfect but am trying to show you are appreciated and spending time with you . I just sometimes don't know what to do. I want to please you and then I think I fail at it. love you too.
What a leap! This is encouraging! Real substantance there.
I know you're feeling worn thin, but I really believe that it's safe for you to enjoy a measure of reassurance from your H's response.
Kelli, Hi!!! Man can I relate to your flashbacks, thought that only came from dropping acid or something
Seriously the sad memories are awful.
I'm right there with you
Kaw and the others gave lots of good advice.
My little newphew 8 yrs old was put in the hospital today. We don't know if its the flu or not. This stuff makes me want to hibernate with the kids. Then we all go nuts.
Hang in there Kelli girl. We both are in a better place than last year.
Kim
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
)
Real substantance there.
