Ok so we had the DB session today and I know that a lot of you were wondering how it was going to go so I wanted to give you guys/gals the update. If your familiar with a celebrity roast you'll have a good idea of what the session was all about. This was the 2stepboogie celebrity roast!!
Basically I called the DB coach first just to give her an idea of what was going on and that W would be joining us. Gave her a brief update (about 5 min long) DB coach said she normally recommends the WAS spend about 30 minutes with just her and would give W that option. I called W and she answered made the introduction and DB asked her if she would like to just talk to her without me on the line. W said "No he can stay on. I am not going to say anything I haven't told him"
Then the conversation started I'll skip the pleasantries and just get to the main facts.
W "When we first started dating I was young very young and we could talk about anything and everything. He made me feel special because he cared. Everything changed when we got custody of D, not because of D I love her it was the fact that mom moved in two weeks after the fact. At that point I stopped mattering and everything was the way mom wanted. It started with small things then it escalated, from the dishes to the way the silverware was placed to the way D was being raised. He always took moms side on everything. I did not matter and my opinion did not matter. I like to have a plan H just likes to wing it, why wouldn't he, mom was going to take care of everything. I felt as though it was three against one and I was the odd man out. I tried telling him I tried screaming at him I tried not saying anything. It is not like I woke one day and said I don't want to be married anymore this was a progression. Even at the last moment I gave him a way out and asked him to move his mom out. He told me no. I've made mistakes also but I am a people pleaser and I pleased everyone but no one was looking out for me, and after awhile it takes a toll on you. H says all the right stuff when I talk to him but H has always been a good talker. I don't know that I trust him and my happiness can't depend on him anymore"
This basically went on for about an hour. There was a laundry list of things I did wrong most of which I agree with some of which I don't but the entire time I kept my mouth shut and let her talk.
At the end the DB couch asked W how she felt about talking to her again and W said " I don't know. I would be weary. I have to protect myself"
DB Coach asked me how I would interpret W feelings about the M.
I said "I think she was miserable, felt used, and taken advantage of"
W "I wouldn’t say miserable that is a strong word. Taken advantage of definitely. H is a good man and a good guy but he stopped being good in a way that mattered to me and stopped caring about me. Now I have to take care of me"
Over all I feel like a truck ran over me! The thing with my W is that most of her comments don't come from anger or resentment they are well thought out and logical. This is the part that say's her decision is final.
After the call W and I spoke for about 20 min. I said "wow. I made you feel so bad"
W "I am over it. You made mistakes I made mistakes. I am sorry if I was very harsh with my criticism but it was the truth"
M "I am glad you were honest"
W "I don't know about us talking every day. She suggested we should be friends to see if there is anything here but I don't know because in order to be friends I would have to trust you and I don't. I skeptical talking to her again I'll have to think about it. I just don't know if this is something someone can fix with a couple of hours on the phone. At the same time I don't want to give you any hope and then take it away from you because things don't pan out the way you expected. I don't think that would be fair for you"
M "I understand. I will continue to talk to her and you are always welcomed to join in if you like. If you want to hang up right now and never call me again that is fine with me also. I will decide what level of hope I have no one can determine that for me. I will reach my points at different times than you. You might be there already, I don't know but I know where I am and when my time comes to move on I will. I don't spend my days waiting for you to call or hoping you are going to change your mind. I live my life as it comes I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow let alone in six months from now. If you would like to call and talk I would answer. My hope doesn't depend on your actions they depend on mine. I hope you understand"
W "I do. I just don't want to let you down because I know you feel like we can make this work and I am not as sure as you are."
M "understood. Well I know you have to go to work so I will let you go. Have a good day, as good as you can have with the job you hate"
W "ok thank you. I work till 7 tonight. Hope you feel better. Goodbye"
So there you have it. Basically I really don't know. I would much rather she be pissed off at me and hate me but the fact she is not and all her points are valid and well thought out makes me believe she is sticking to her guns.
