Hoping to find some peace

[Redo]

Journaling:

While i was driving home yesterday, i just had this sudden realization. I am not sure if any of you have gone through this. But i think it better explains why my W decided on a D.

My W loves her dad very much and is very proud of her parents. During the beginning years of our marriage, she often told me how good her dad was. When we had our silly arguments, she used to ask me to 'be like her dad' and let issues roll of the back. I on the other had no experience in R. My wife was the first girl i met and married. So i agreed and tried to emulate her dad. I somehow think that sowed the seeds of destruction of our M. The problem here is that rather than looking at my personality and trying to soften some of the rough edges and expecting my W to accept me as me, I tried to be some one else. Problem was that i truly believed in that metamorphosis. Naturally i failed. I kept trying, i kept failing. However i would say that yup, i was able to soften a lot of rough edges. That was good. But the big mistake was that i setup the wrong expectation for my wife. Adding to the trouble was that my W's family who was helping us in our R issues also believed that i should emulate my W's dad...

So i think at the end of the day my W finally realized that i could never be the person she expected me to be. That is why when the C told her that she needs to accept me as me, she said that she could not do it... and here we are on the D path.

I dunno, maybe lot of people know this, but yea if your spouse cannot accept you as you and expects you to be someone else, that might spell disaster later on...