I'm so sorry for the pain you are going thru. I know those words do cut deep as my W has expressed those very thoughts too ... and have had to deal those dreaded anniversary dates of those dark time of the year prior with much the same fears you have expressed.
What I have come to realize is with S's where the OP was the one that ends the A. There is definately a mourning / grieving period our S's have to work thru. It is their issue. As hard as it is to accept, it has nothing to do with you and any reference you make to it will be seen as unwelcome. It's best to detach. When they are distant and quiet. Let them be. Give them space ... as much as for your peace of mind as for their benefit as well.
What have I done to prevent myself from going stir crazy wondering if her feeling for me would ever come back? ...
- Accept that I have to build my own PMA. That I can't rely on her feelings or emotions to feed my PMA. Therefore, I can't have any expectations as to how she feels now. I actually accept at this time she most likely is not content with the present arrangement, but continue to hold out in hope that one day she will "see the light". Until then, I know I can't bring it up, push, or hold any expectations and that helps prevent backslides. In a way, I still think of her as a WAW. So I'm not looking for words or talks, but actions she does to tell me if she is drawing closer to me ... actions she initiates (ie, hugs, smiles, holding hands, etc...)
In the meantime, I still work on doing what feels good to me. The things that make me a better person. Offering unconditional gifts that show I care. Such as holding her hand if she allows. Giving her a hug at the end of the day, telling her how I missed her today, giving a kiss on the cheek or forehead. Giving her a card saying how I'm thinking about her today or flower, a book or CD she might enjoy or a favorite snack food. Make her breakfast on the weekend or take her out to dinner during the week to give her a day off from cooking a meal to give you a short list. I do these things because how it makes me feel to do these things for her and I've let her know that's the reason for doing them and reinforce it by not asking for anything in return and learn to be OK with that for real.
I do these things because I want to be her friend and in time ... well maybe ... I can become the OP she starts to yearn for...
I hope this helps with some of what you're dealing with. It hard as he$$, but for me it has helped deal with the pain ... and of course ... it takes lotsa time and patience, along with understanding and compassion ... and more time and patience.
