Thank you so so so much for your feedback. Yes, we are apart a lot compared to other married couples. But we did it because of our financial situation. I myself was, and still is debt-free. On the other hand he has had a lot of CC debts and student loans. To be able to pay bills, we had to go where the job was. In the end, we moved from CA back to IL where we first met (in school) and his family are all in IL as well).
I don't want to say that I regret living apart because I did it for "us". It's probably wasn't a wise thing to do. But i thought if we loved each other, we could overcome any obstacles in our life. However, I guess I was all day-dreaming for the past 4 years.....
Since we haven't had any contact since 1/24, I really don't know what the main reason this time for breaking up. He told his parents that he didn't have the guts to tell me so he didn't answer the phone when I called. When he found out that I called his parents, he called like 6 times but I was so sad too that i didn't answer the phone. He then emailed me and "demanded" me not to call his parents anymore. He tried to call again the next day (1/27) I still didn't answer. He emailed me again to tell me that he's not coming to meet me and he asked when's good time to call and talk to me. I am so tired of the way he treated me and our M so I wrote him an email to tell him "he is free" (not in the way of giving him permission) and not to contact me, because I really needed time to think (this I didn't tell him)....
BUT His reasons for breaking up are always the SAME: got married too young, wanting to be single, feels smothered by me. I don't understand how I was smothering him. He could go out and stay over at friends' if he gets too drunk to drive. He goes out to bar by himself or with coworkers and I don't really ask him if I could go too. When he wants to play games, I leave the room or just sit by him to watch him play. He doesn't like going shopping so he only comes along when he offers. That's all he wants. However his mom asked me "do you think it's normal for your H to go out so often?" What can I do? That Is what he wants!!
He drank a lot already but not like very often (just on days off). But he started drinking more and often since sometime around May last year when he told me he hated his job. He felt he's under-appreciated and not paid enough. He has tried to find a new job but no luck. He was upset that he didn't have friends. It got worse from Oct 2010. He went out to drink more and came home late a few times w/o calling. He said he needed to be in a funk because he's so upset about his job. He also gets angry easily when I ask if he drinks too much.
I used to get short-tempered easily but I have tried to manage my anger so it would not affect M. But he has become more and more like a b*tch when we have arguments. I also feel like he doesn't care about / love me as much. I also feel that he's taking me for granted all the time and doesn't appreciate me. And he just wants to run away from all the problems he has in his life and starts from scratch, same for his M, just not with me in the picture! However I think I should be the one in funk (work a sh*ty job from home, have only ONE friend in IL, and family is 6000 miles away! H is not emotionally dependable. Who should feel upset? I think it should be ME!)
I don't want to tell him how much I have done for him, especially financially. I do it because I love him and care about him, and I want us to have a good life.
I feel like the biggest fool when he drops the bomb every time. Now I even feel like all our sweet moments was a dream and I could wake up anytime.
He hasn't contacted me since. He even closed FB and kicked me and my brother out of his MSN. I even wonder if he's bi-polar or depressed and he can't tell where his stress really comes from: his job or me? But since I am so easily to get rid of, so he got rid of me first?
And do i just disappear in his life for now? How do I resume the communication if needed?
I am sorry the post is long. I just wanted to give more details about my M.....
