As the Bolt Turns

[Bolt]

whoa - avoided a little setback today for sure.
W went to C for her bi-weekly meeting. We had a great today leading up to it. I let her be and she was around as much as she could.

When she got back, things were a little different. Damn C!!!

I let her mention what was going on. She said that she had to work through some of her own issues and that she wasn't sure how she felt. I asked her to clarify and she said she doesn't know how she felt.

I then asked, "about us or about you?" She said she didn't know.

Now, I don't know about everyone else out there but that hit me in the gut. We are planning to move across country - signing the lease tomorrow and I thought, Ummm...does she not want to try and work this out?

Then we argued about me misinterpreting things. It didn't get heated because we are pretty good about not pushing each other's buttons but it was a spat nonetheless.

I had to come out and say, "If you are unsure about this relationship, I'm not ready to move across the country."

Did it sound like an ultimatum? Heck yeah it WAS one. I needed a commitment and that didn't seem like one.

After a few tears, she said, "Isn't me NOT leaving enough of a commitment?"

I had to think about that because my gut was saying, "Don't do me any favors. You should WANT to be back here."

BUT I didn't let my gut rule. I agreed. I said that I've been insecure in this R for the first time IN our R. This is all new and I didn't want to move, basically abandon my career (it's in LA and LA alone, basically) with a S that isn't sure.

Glad we talked it out and things seemed to end on a good note.

I got an email from her about an hour later. The C told her to do that so she could communicate without my interference. I have a pretty good way with words and sometimes she feels inferior to me (I have no idea why but she does - I have NEVER been condescending to her - at least in my mind).

The email reaffirmed that she thought that we still had problems communicating. I totally understand that and didn't expect things to be fixed overnight. I guess the problem that I have is that I have to be patient about her changing but she thinks I can be perfect all of the time? (Just venting to you guys about that line)

I did want to share a line that I think I know how to take but wanted your take:
I don't know when I will feel enough to say I love you to you or really kiss you. I'm finally acknowledging my hurt and anger. Let me work through this. All I have are those feelings. I need time to get to the good feelings. I don't know how long this will take. But it will take time.

I look at it as a good thing in that we both acknowledge what we both want. It will just take time.

Anyone else??