Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Queen_of_Swords]

First I want to thank you for your kindness in responding.

Yes. You accept that because that is how his brain thinks at times. You must remember that MLC=crazy and their thoughts don't make sense and quite often have no basis in reality. They rewrite the past and truly believe the things they say.

I think part of me is already resigned into becoming the horrible/evil ex-wife that he couldn't live with and cannot stand being around.

But accepting HE views things that way is not the same thing as accepting it as reality. YOU know the truth. You do not have to be sucked into his warped view of reality. Stay true to yourself.
It was a two way street. I accept that. I am also coming to realise today that I deserve to be treated a lot better than I was.
Silence is abuse, I don't deserve to be punished with silence and avoidance, and I was.
By God, if you have a problem with me, speak up! Even if we have an argument and there are angry words spoken the air is cleared, apologies can be made and behavioural change made too. That's better than slinking away with your lip zipped and nursing that little demon baby that grows into a big problem named "Resentment".

If separation from you, at the moment, gives him peace, isn't that a good thing? No, it's not what any of us want. But if we are to truly love someone, we want what's best for THEM, not what's going to make US happy. This is a journey he needs to undertake. It's not fair. It stinks big time. It's painful for us. It rips families apart. It's ugly. But as bad as it is for us, it's worse for them. They just often don't see how bad it is until often times it's too late. We can't fix it. We must let them go in order for them to have any chance to recover. You don't have to be happy about it. None of us are. But sometimes doing the right thing hurts.
Right thing? Is there anything that you can do right with an MLC'er?
He's going to get more peace than he ever imagined.
My kids feel abandoned. They're old enough to speak their minds and their feelings. They are in counselling, because of all of this, and he doesn't care. He just doesn't care.

I'm the one that deals with the nightmares, tears, upset stomachs, acting out, the depression, school issues, etc. This hurts my kids, and I'll be honest, there are days I want to smack him silly and hurt him for doing this to them, for perpetuating the same suffering he underwent. I already keep any contact with him to a bare minimum and don't initiate it.


Only you can answer this. But do you choose to rewrite history just like he is doing? Or will you choose to cherish the memories as they truly were. Appreciate the good times you had. We all could have done more. None of us are perfect. But I don't think any of us would want to erase those special times from our hearts.
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Right now, the emotional pain is overwriting any happy memories I may have had. Right now, I feel the past is dust, and there is no point in remembering if it only highlights loss, pain and an uncertain future for my kids and me. I can't even look at photographs with him in it.
Right now I feel I never really knew this person. I knew a person with a whole collection of masks he puts on as a situation required.
A person that didn't mean the words spoken on our wedding day, wasn't motivated to keep a promise, and a person I should have never trusted with my heart or body.
I used to feel warm inside when I saw him, I look at him now, and I ask myself " who the H E double hockey sticks is he?"

Appreciate the past. What for? It brings me no joy or warmth.

I have come to a few decisions though.
1) I am going to do nothing to aid him in his quest for a D.
2) I will watch and observe closely his behaviour.
3)I will speak only when spoken to, and the rest of the time keep my mouth shut and hands off. The less I say the better off I am.
4) I will remember he's a stranger now, he doesnt' deserve special consideration
5) I will remember he hates me. He's not my friend. Everything I do or say could be seen as provocation.