Got back a while ago from my TT game with XH. I'm going to journal here as a means to clarify my thoughts. I'm hoping that others may have insights about what I'm writing.
XH was in a good mood when I arrived at the community center. When we walked in, the fellow who works there teased XH that he could come into the community center and stay warm when he arrives, instead of sitting out in his car for 20 minutes. XH said he was talking on the phone in his car and later told me that he had been talking to one of his male employees who is also kind of a personal friend……so interesting that XH made a point of telling me who he was talking to.
XH was in a very good mood……….made me wonder if the birthday party had made him feel closer to me. We joked around and laughed a LOT ---- more than we have in 2-3 months. I’ve come to trust the still, small voice inside my head thoughout this journey and on the way to TT this evening it was telling me to initiate with XH --- so I did. I flirted a lot this evening. It felt like XH’s defenses were down, but when I flirted with physical contact, he didn’t really reciprocate except for once when I patted him on his rear end with my TT paddle and he reciprocated by patting me on my hiney with his paddle (I had threatened to spank him for some reason --- I forget why). This evening I was trying to make more physical contact because it’s my understanding that physical contact makes men feel intimacy the way that sharing emotions makes women feel intimacy. XH didn’t really rebuff my attempts at physical contact. He just didn’t engage…………but I think that I probably planted seeds.
XH DID seem to respond to verbal teasing this evening. I should probably plan more auditory stimulation in the future. I teased him that I had a special surprise for him and he seemed interested in what it was (tease, tease). I had laid a Hersheys kiss on the table next to my purse at the start of the evening and XH thought that was my surprise, but I told him it wasn’t. About 40 minutes into the evening, after we finished warming up, I walked up to him and said “I’m giving you a kiss for good luck”. He smiled and popped the kiss into his mouth. (I gave him a second one later.) When we started playing I began speaking in Spanish and kept score in Spanish. I told XH that that was my surprise for him. He looked a bit surprised, like he was expecting a different kind of surprise (not sure what) but played along. I did my best to roll my “r’s”.
For the first time since the bomb, XH really talked to me about movies we’d both seen in an unguarded manner. I was giggling so hard while playing that I missed a lot of points. I told XH that if he won all the games, he had to take me out for drinks, and that I had picked a restaurant where we could do that. XH said he couldn’t do that tonight, he had been to the restaurant I was suggesting and didn’t love it, and then we talked about different local restaurants. He had only been to one of the restaurants I mentioned. I told XH that one of my new things was to explore all of the local neighborhood restaurants (this is a 180 for me ---- we rarely went out to eat --- I always cooked meals at home)…………So XH engaged me in friendly conversation about movies and restaurants. This really is a change for him. It will be interesting to see if he brings up the restaurant in the future.
XH told me he’d stopped having allergy shots 1 year ago. He is allergic to cats and a lot of other things that trigger asthma attacks for him. When we met, we fell head over heels for each other. XH began getting allergy shots a few months after we met so that he could live with my cat. I’m wondering if this could be one of the things that keeps him away from the house and us (me and kitty)????
When we walked to our cars it was around 0°F. so we didn’t chat long. I got the sense that XH would have chatted longer if it hadn’t been so cold. We hugged and I hugged him just a little longer than would be appropriate for a friendly hug. I could feel him pull back slightly (I saw kind of a panicked look in his eyes) but he didn’t freak out. He kept chatting with me. As he got into his car I said “You owe me a drink. You choose the restaurant”.
I left feeling a bit frustrated. XH’s mood was much better this evening, but I feel like a snail running a marathon. Ughhh!!!!!! Mila summed it up very well:
Originally Posted By: Mila
All I see is progress...slow but progress....if I remove all the details and look at the big picture the bottom line is that your XH wants you in his life more and more and looks for or accepts opportunities to be with you.
As to how to take it to the next/intimate level? Be true to your self, what would the old GAG do in the old days when you were courting? You have the advantage of knowing what makes him tick...what are his love languages...unless the MLC changed him that way too.
Mila, I have been trying to answer this question. When I first met XH, I put up with his grouchiness for a few dates and pounced when he gave me an opening…….and the man I found underneath that grouchiness was a wonderful, considerate man. So far I haven’t seen that kind of opening, and to be honest, XH has been uptight around me for so long, I have been losing “that loving feeling”. In all honesty, I haven’t felt “that way” about anyone. I think that dealing with financial stresses (it looks like I will need to have my patio tree cut down and then my patio redone --- those will be expensive projects) and the long winter have sapped those feelings for now.
I’ve been wondering if I need to pull back more now by canceling next week’s TT game….but at the same time, if GF#2 is out of the picture (and I don’t have confirmation of that), then this would be a good time to generate some positive feelings with Mr. GAG.
It was a long post but journaling helps to clarify the positives and negatives, so thanks for letting me do that here.
