Previous post: Kell's story
Well, here I am - admitting that things are on an upturn, and working through the issues of trust.
Here's my sitch: Me, 41, H 45. Married 18 years. One son, 14. Two years ago, H retired from the military, took a local job that had lots of opportunity. Nothing in civilian life was as it seemed. Got wrapped up in the job, and the people there. Last fall, announced he didn't love me any more, loved a co-worker, and wanted to get away. Never said D, but just continued to say home was full of pressure, and he needed to get out. Went to counselling, but didnt' remain. H saw counsellor on his own for a few months. In Jan, and Feb, OW told H to go back to his family. In April, attended Retrouvaille weekend, H insisted his feelings for OW and myself would not change. He told me he promised he would be with OW someday. May, H returned from a business trip, and something happened. H has behaved almost without fault since. The closeness and affection has not been what it once was, and I am riddled with insecurity and doubt, but H has followed all the rules. He's home, he calls if he's going to be late, and doesn't appear to be spending anytime with OW. My issue is dealing with not knowhing what miracle occured that changed his outlook, or has his feelings changed? H once said the easiest for him to do would be to set his own feelings aside, and pretend to be happy at home so everyone else would be satisfied. I often wonder, when he's quiet and distant, if that is what he is doing. H used to be overly affectionate, and now is not. The not knowing is driving me crazy! It is amplified now, because of the bad memories from this time last year, and the fact that H just came into some money from the sale of his parent's house. He suggested we buy a fixer-upper, rehab it, and rent it out. Last year, he insisted he needed to move away. Having a house available to him really is freaking me out. Is he looking for an investment? Or an escape? If it's an escape, shouldn't I let him take it? Otherwise, I just cage him more. With the promise he made to the OW, and not having clarification of his feelings for her, I am just stuck. I am reluctant to ask, as it "sets him back", but I suppose I need to let him know what's on my mind.
Well, after that vent, welcome to putting life back together.