Less Scared and Less Alone

[dixiegal]

LIS,

Im praying for you sweet friend. Just hang on...say a prayer and stay calm. I'm praying for GOD to give you peace, wisdom and control of your emotions.

Whatever he says, just stay true to the path...I agree w/2step. I know how hard this roller coaster is for you. But, you your strong you can do it.

We are all in your side!!!

Prayers!

[Denver_2010]

It sounds like you are ready to dominate with some DBing tonight!! I expect that you will do great. Just remember to focus on what you have learned.

BITS
Denver

[zengypsy]

LIS:

Sta calm and cool. Keep in mind all the hings you've learned and how far you've come.

We're here for you - Kick some DB A$$!

ZG

[lostinscared]

He's leaving tomorrow. I told him I agreed with his decision. Wasn't an angry conversation but definitely got some things off my chest.

He lied about the apt. Had already paid for one. But he lies about everything so that wasn't really too much of a shock to me.

I am so sorry to my DB friends and I will catch up with posts tomorrow. Just kind of need to cry it out and deal with my lot in life right now. I pray for you all constantly. I will continue to pray for you all. You have been such great friends to me through this.

DB may not work for everyone, but I solidly believe I wouldn't have made it this far without it. And I know someday, I will be better and my heart will heal. Take care all...

[2stepboogie]

My thoughts and prayers are with you completely tonight. You have been a dear friend to me and I my heart aches for you.

Now begins the new journey. The actual seperation. I went through this back in Oct. Hang tight! You know that rollercoaster ride we all talk about. Well it's about to get sh!tty. I have survived and so will you.

I think that this is when the real DB begins!!

[Denver_2010]

LIS - I've very sorry to hear this. You will be okay though. However things ultimately turn out, you really will.

My W left in November. I was telling my IC on Monday that however my situation ultimately turns out, my W leaving was the best thing. NOTHING for us was going to heal without that happening. I know that the DB line is to avoid physical S as long as possible, but I truly believe that, sometimes, it can actually make DBing easier, and make healing the M easier. I definitely believe that it has for me.

Physical separation does not have to be the end of the road unless you choose for it to be. What you do next, let the M go or continue to DB, either way, it okay. You have to do what is best for LIS.

I would suggest that you give it some time though. Let yourself hurt for a bit. It is normal and part of the grieving process. This doesn't mean that you are grieving the end of the M, you are just grieving the separation itself. But you will need to grieve. Don't make any decisions until you have allowed yourself to stabilize emotionally. In fact, don't make any big decisions, or even say much to H, until this has happened.

Keep your head up. I can tell that you are a wonderful person. You will be happy again.

BITS
Denver

[grr]

yes, keep your head up
my husband left recently and i have to tell you, some things about it are easier
having him sleep in the next room was torture - wanting to get up in the middle of the night and confront him...........that would have made things worse and now i just don't have to worry about it

you will get through this

just take one day at a time

lots of love to you tonight

[dixiegal]

Sweet Lis,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been there (like we all have) I know its gonna be real tough when he leaves today. I'm praying for you as I did last night.

Hold on friend. This too will pass...give your self time to cry, be angry and all those crappy feelings. Before you make any final decisions.

Just try to stay calm, breathe and pray. I'm in your corner!!!

Sweet thoughts for you today & lots of prayers your way!!!

[lostinscared]

Thanks friends for all the kind words and encouragement. They mean a lot and you all definitely had me in tears.

This is the path that he has chosen and there isn't anything that I can do about that, I understand. He told me that he is not ready to file but inferred that was the likely path. He said that he realizes that he cut off every path to try to make things better. Then he also said that I was cutting off paths. For example, he said that he asked 3 times for me to hang out with him. I said that wasn't true and I was asked once. He didn't deny that. (I think he lies to himself more than he lies to me).

I told him that I deserved a lot more compassion and sensitivity. I explained that there was no one in his life that he has turned his back on the way he did to me. I told him that everything out of his mouth were lies. He took exception to this last part but after I started laying out examples, he got quiet. I think he realized that was true. I know none of this should have been said, but I needed to say it because the treatment has been bad. It's one thing to leave your spouse, it's another to treat them poorly in doing so. None of this was said in anger. There were no raised voices or anything.

This morning, my sweet cat got sick. So we had to rush him to the vet. I started crying because I just can't lose my cat right now. He is my baby. My H tried to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be ok. I slammed my hand down and screamed that nothing was ok. Again, shouldn't have done it, but I'm pretty much at the edge.

I'm very afraid of what will happen to me finacially. But there isn't much I can do about that either. We have two houses, one under water up North, and another we just purchased which will be hard to sell.

Mostly, I'm just feeling devastated and helpless to fix my M.

[Denver_2010]

LIS -We all completely understand. But, you need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and let yourself calm down.

Your patience and resolve is being tested right now. That is all. Divorce papers have not been filed, no lawyers have been retained, no judges have slammed their gavels down on the finality of your M.

Your H is just choosing to physically separate right now. This is not the end. Far from it in my opinion. I agree with something 2Step said to you last night... this is when the true DBing begins.

Your H is on a journey. He has chosen a path that does NOT include you RIGHT NOW. He must go down this path. You have no choice but to let him, and honestly, he really has no control over it either. This is something that he needs to do for his own quest for happiness in life. EVENTUALLY, there will be a fork in that path... one direction will lead him down a path back to you... the other will lead him down a path to the unknown. Only he can can decide which path to choose. You must allow him this. But you control whether or not the path back to you remains open or closed. That is all that you control with your H's present journey.

BITS
Denver