How can I stop R talks when DR says I need to acknowledge my wife's feelings? In a sense if I'm acknowledging it would likely be something concerning the R, wouldn't it?
The two are not mutually exclusive. If your wife comes at you with R talk, validate what she is saying: "I can see that now. I understand that what I did upset you." Do not apologize ("Im so sorry I hurt you" weak man stuff that she will not respect), just make it known that you get it. Stay calm, do not get drawn into something emotional, and especially do not try to defend yourself verbally. Just disarm her with cool calm collected empathy. Don't tell her what you are doing to change it, but DO CHANGE IT. Remember she is watching you to see if you can truly change, she is not listening to you to see if she will convince her. The less you say the better. If you start running your mouth, you will only encourage her to continue the R talk further and attack you further. Learning this technique is KEY, it will take practise, and you will backslide. Just don't give up. This is a skill you can carry with you into every relationship in your life, not just with your W.
You need to be a silent man of action who truly makes changes, but does not talk, brag about, or justify them.
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It's a big AMEN on getting a job part. I've been having interviews every week now, which is a great thing...just need to be hired is all.
Do not give up. I believe the economy is on the threshold of turning around and there will be opportunities out there. Keep telling yourself "I can do this".
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When it comes to manly jobs/chores though, how can I avoid from being a doormat she can walk all over? Sometimes I just feel like by doing all these things that in my mind show her I care about her, it might just in fact be helping ease herself out of this relationship. So I'm torn - some advice say to let her experience what separation and single life truly means, while some say be there for her. I guess it depends on the situation, and my goals, which I listed a few posts earlier.
She hasn't left yet. Despite her lips saying you are officially separated, she hasn't actually up and left yet, and her actions betray her true feelings on the matter. She is still quite enmeshed in the R as far as I can tell. She may be trying to convince herself more than she it trying to convince you.
In her eyes you have proven to be quite flakey and indecisive with certain tasks that she clearly believes it is a man's job to take care of (no offense but I am writing from her perspective). My advice here is to identify those tasks and simply do those tasks whether she asks you to or not.
"The car is doing xyz" (she hasnt asked you to do anything)
(do not ask her if she wants you to fix it, just go and do it. If you can't fix it, you take it to the shop and get it taken care of)
Your response "xyz is fixed"
Key here: identify which tasks she expects a man to take care of. It may be something as simple as killing a spider, or as complex as house wiring repairs. Note you don't personally have to fix everything, but you should be the one to arrange someone to come and take care of it if not.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
