Expect nothing and you'll never be dissapointed. Someone told me(can't remember who) act as if you are already divorced she owes you nothing and you owe her nothing this way when and if she does something nice you are pleasantly surprised.
I am trying this philosophy...........See how it works
LOL - IDK even if we were divored I think she stills owes me respect, and common decency!!
How can you have NO expectations? I think maybe limited expectations or reasonable expectations.
Anyways, when she first got home she basically ignored me. Wasn't long and she noticed the clean fridge! GO FIGURE!
That actually got her into talking to me and we talked all about their trip for about a half hour - we laughed a bit it was very relaxed. Going to try and stick with it.
She mentioned something about going back in the summer, and I just said hopefully next time we'll go as a family - and she said "We'll see."
I took at as positive!!
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
BAH. I was kind of hopeing that my W my call me today at work to check in, or to continue our conversation last night that went pleasantly.
Oh well, she's going to work as soon as I get home and I have hockey tonight...so I won't really see her until tomorrow evening.
I guess I also need to start planning some little things to do for my girls for Valentine's Day.
I've decided I'm not doing anything for my W. Not even a card - I don't think. I guess I need to show her that I've moved on, not even considering making a gesture to her.
Any good ideas for the kids? Also, I asked before but didn't get any feedback.
I've been holding off on booking MC, because I'm worried that it may set us back further. Should I just focus on being pleasant with the W, and keeping detaching?
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Hey SIC. My DB Coach suggested this for Valentine's Day. Send W flowers or chocolate from kids and you. Just an idea.
Not sure what to do for kids for vday. maybe box of chocolates? What kid wouldn't love that?
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Thanks Denver. Ya I dunno. Maybe I could have flowers sent with "sender unknown"?
Yes, I will be getting the kids some kind of chocolate or candy...but I was just trying to think of a thoughtful way to present it that they would appreciate and so would my W.
I'll figure it out, it's the new me.
Thoughtful SIC - my main 180.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
It really struck me when I first read the lines WAS says - like a script .... and that's when I realized that I am not alone in dealing with this.
Even the WAS themselves realize it sometimes - in my sitch, my H went from blaming me for everything, then saying he never loved me, then saying he did love me but now doesn't love me, to saying its all his fault, that all his blaming was a justification (big of him!)
And one day (2 weeks ago) he even told me he did not know what he was saying.
CONFUSION = MLC = DO NOT BELIEVE THEM!!!!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Weirdness this morning. W called me at work early, but didn't leave a message. After getting back from coffee I give her a call back - thinking something might be up with the kids.
Turns out my Dad called last night wanting to talk to me, but I was at hockey. W wanted to know if I called him back (she's so curious about what he wants to talk to me about).
I spoke to my brother at hockey, he said that my Dad's mother has taken a turn for the worse and they believe it's only a matter of time before she goes.
My parents are leaving to go away on a cruise for a week this Saturday, and wanted to let everyone know NOT TO CALL THEM WHILE THEY ARE AWAY IF SHE PASSES.
I told my W, this is likely what my Dad wants to talk to me about. She then becomes the morality police, saying that it's disgusting that they are thinking of themselves, and that they don't want to have their trip ruined. I started telling her that I understood her point, but that if they are going to be away for a week and unable to cut their trip short why would they want to know and spend the rest of trip feeling bad or guilty that they weren't there?
Is this just more of my W taking a chance to hate on my parents?
What would you do in the same sitch.
Just fr background, my GM is 82 and she has Alzetimers and she broke her hip about 3 weeks ago in a fall. I think they been watching her "go" so to speak for the last couple years.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Can I be honest? I was a bit taken aback by what your parents said also. But I'm not there, I don't have a clue about the situation and yes, it's likely that she is enjoying taking shots.
But for her to make moral judgments right now is pretty funny. Perhaps you should go get her a mirror? What would I do? Ignore her. It's not her concern what your parents do. And I especially wouldn't be worried about her judgments at the moment. It really isn't worth a response because all it would do is get you in an argument. Our job is to diffuse the situation not elevate it. So that's what you'll need to do right now.
