I am glad you have read Cadet's list. Although it can be disturbing, the knowledge you will gain (you may have to read it more than once), is immensly helpful during this.
I am also very glad that you already realize that your focus needs to be on you and your kids.
Yes, this will rock you to the core as you try to fix the seemingly endless list of things that they tell you is wrong.
Instead of working on yourself to be "free to be yourself within the M", how about simply working on yourself so that you are free to be who you are....
I read your original thread.
You have been through quite a bit.
For now, let's not look at the stages, let's not look at 2-5 years (it really isn't accurate anyway) and let's work on trying to get you to a bit of a better place.
A place where you can figure out what is right and best for you, without all of the pressure of taking care of everyone else.
Let's work on learning how to lean on others a bit, this is the place to talk about all of those things that you have experienced.
You may be challenged, you may be asked a boatload of questions... Ok there is probably no "maybe"...
And I will start with this...
Did you forgive your MIL? Did you forgive your H for his "massage"? Did you forgive your FIL for standing behind his wife? Did you forgive your sister for the shame that she brought to the family?
Or did you simply move on with life, keeping the status quo and doing your best to be strong?
None of that stuff, was stuff you could control...
However, keeping the residual feelings inside, will eventually wear us out...
Until there is nothing left to give...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
