I don't know where to start. For a few months my husband has been saying he wanted a divorce. I was not happy either, but I didn't take him seriously. Right before Christmas he told me that he had rented an apartment (I still don't believe him) and that he was going to visit his family without me. I was crushed. When he returned, I did the crying and begging thing. He agreed that he would stay for 30 days. He did and now the 30 days have come and gone. I asked him what his intentions were on day 30. He said things have been going well but he hasn't made a decision and if I need an answer then he will leave it it gives me peace. I know that he "was/is" involved somehow with another women 3 states away
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
What should I do? We went through a "break up" 3 years ago and it was great for 2 years. I don't want him to leave. We still do everything (in the last 30) together except share a bed.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I am sorry to hear that you are sad. You came to the right place to get help. Sometimes, the hardest part is to get clear as to what you want to accomplish and then how to go about it. If you haven't spoken to one of our coaches, they are experts in helping you come up with a specific plan on how to deal with him in a way that is most likely to bring him closer and to put the ball in your court, as opposed to waiting for him to make a choice. Joann and Laurie are available today and they are both fantastic and you would feel a great sense of relief after speaking to them. Take good care and I would look forward to talking to you.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
hi i am so sorry you are in this situation you will find alot of help here first thing that i will say is that if he hasn't left yet - that is a good sign do not ask him what his intentions are you will be pressuring him to make a decision and he may not give you the answer you want give him his time and space to work it out in the meantime, read the books, and work on you hope you have a great day
do I just go on making meals and doing our daily stuff together???? It is killing me~ I was on this board 3 years ago and we did get back together. I know what I did wrong in the last year. He DOES say that he has seen all the efforts that I have done in the past month, but he can't forget how fast I went back to my old ways after we got back together the last time. Also, I know the other women and he are still in contact. Whenever we are out and about a text comes through from her. She lives 3 states away
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I'm sorry for what you are going thru. Your H and my H are the same age. It sounds like an MLC/WAS combo.
My first recommendation is to get Michele's book The Divorce Remedy if you haven't already. That will be the beginning of a new journey for you. The first step is to stop doing what you've been doing and do comething different. Your S won't expect it and doing more of the same hasn't worked
If he chooses to seperate, I know it's hard but you have to let him. You can't pursue, it will just push him away more and validate his reason to go. Pursuing is no begging, pleading etc. Your actions have to support your words.
Your H is going to have to work out his own stuff, his own way in his own time. Now is the time to focus on YOU. You need to get stronger, build more self-confidence. Show your H that you want him but you don't need him; there's a HUGE diff. Get some hobbies going, clean your house, rearrange the cabinets, furniture, hang with friends, etc. It's GAL (getting a life).
Saying you will change and actually doing the action of change are quite diff and hard work. Having said that, if you are determined to save your M and yourself, the change will be natural and easy. Once you make the committment, it's pretty smooth sailing. It was at least for me.
If you are not in a position to use a DB Coach (I'm not in the position either), get yourself into C. Get with someone who will help you with you and that is supportive of saving your marriage.
I'll keep looking for your posts.
Hugs - ZG
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Sorry, I accidentally put the wrong screen name to greet you.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
hi zen....i agree with what you wrote verysad (i don't want to call you that......) i was here before as well, last year i also did not keep the changes going, but remember, you are not alone to blame this is a two way street, and his actions may have adjusted your responses to him my husband asks "why should we try again" and tells me that "this time he is determined to see this (divorce) through) my husband is actually out of the house so you actually have a lot going for you he is still there and can see the day to day changes that you make so, yes, go on as normal be cheerful, don't talk about the relationship and be the best you, you can be let him see the girl he fell in love with
