me thinkith h will speak acts of service till the cows come home and only acts of service unless somehow forced or coerced to speak differently.
after the other nights conversation/argument..there was no resolve..there was no time spent together..I don't recall getting a hug however I do recall h making me tea and today he had my car detailed but now is off to buddies house to watch the game.
I dunno? sure I appreciate the acts of service and say thank you very much...but heeellllloooooo??? is there anybody home? doesn't he hear me? doesn't he get it? I dunno?
h's love languages apear to be...words of affirmation (sent primarily via third person...ie...hey didn't momma do a good job cooking dinner..mamma always cooks great stuff doesn't she, or take your shoes off mamma just cleaned the floor) only occassionaly does mamma get a direct compliment...
and acts of service...to h that check he cuts himself at the end of the week is for us and it makes him happy to do it (hmmm isn't that a bit for him since he enjoys it so much and enjoys the way it makes him feel to provide? ok I'll shut up now) here's a better example...he took my car to have it cleaned, sometimes he'll do the dishes...however this isn't one he always follows through on cause there is plenty that he doesn't do...guess he just has to be in the mood to be helpful or rather chooses his acts according to his whim...sometimes he'll help fold some laundry...other times he'll just pick out HIS stuff and leave all the rest to me...
I dunno...I just dunno....
I guess I'm supposed to take h's getting my car cleaned today as meaning something??? does it really mean anything at all though?? he got my car cleaned while he wasn't living here and didn't love me and didn't want to be with me and was sure that he had really always been in love with ow??? so why can't I have what he gave to her??? why can't I have the quality time? the lunch dates? the possible dinner dates (oh ya I forgot I don't have a h at home to watch the kids so I can go out with him) it just doesn't seem fair to me that she got those things and his explenation for why he is not that way with me is becuase that wasn't real??? well part of it had to be....he must have enjoyed "shooting the sh!t" (ow's words to sil) and laughing etc...why not with me? cause I'm just the wife?
will this ever end?
what the heck am I to do?
can I run away?
can I just shake him?
can I just click my heals three times and return to the place where I had started to believe "that's just the way I am" cause I really am having a hard time believing the "that's just the way I am" doesn't have anything to do with "that's just the way I am WITH YOU"
