Nah I wouldn't offer anything. Look I'm in the same boat not every conversation can be 6 hours like the one I had last week. I realize that. I'm kind of in a weird place right now cause we had such a good exchange last week and then nothing. If you do make contact with her make it something specific but sound like your life is goin great make it short. This will peak her interest and she might or might not ask questions. Sometimes when I cut the conversation short with my W she will call back but I can always tell in her voice when I'm cutting it short she is a little surprised. That is good. At some point this week she will call and I will remain calm and joyful even though I'm sending in the D papers tomorrow. She might be divorcing me but she will do it believing she left the best guy on the planet!!! This will be her cross to carry not mine
Are you going to ask her if she wants you drive her around if she Ds you?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well that was pretty much my exact experience when I went to get my mail from her. I pretty much just got the mail and said "call me if you need anything" and she asked me "are you going back to Houston soon?" as I walked away. So, I stopped and said "Not sure exactly yet but hopefully Friday... I'll let you know"
So, that is what gives me the most hope. Things that she does that seem so odd to me but then I realize they are *exactly* what she is supposed to do.
I realize that what I'm trying to do is force open the dialog by bringing up stuff like offering her a ride. But I do have a 4 wheel drive and it is supposed to get nasty so I thought it would be a good idea. I just want her to feel more and more comfortable coming to me after all of the things I did up until Christmas to make her completely uncomfortable. I'm afraid that she is going to have the urge to talk to me but will talk herself out of it. Maybe even to the end.
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M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
...talk herself out of it. Man, I was right there. I could literally SEE my W doing that. She would want to say something or even reach out to touch me and she would catch herself.
It's that wall that they put up. They've been hurt and don't quite believe the changes we're making are permanent. They want to believe (or they'd be gone) but they just can't handle being hurt again.
The only solution to that is to never go back to who you were. Keep doing those changes. She will slowly come back.
I really wouldn't push asking her to do things at this point. If she wants to, she will ask for sure. I know that seems like you don't care but on some levels you have to NOT care. It's so friggin hard because it is the opposite of what we want to do. Trust DBing though. It does work.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Yeah. I just have to keep checking myself in here. I will just hope that she asks me to help her. I did tell her as I was leaving to "call me if she needed anything" so hopefully she does.
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M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
WN, one more thing. Keep expectations at bay. If you don't expect anything, when something does happen, you'll feel good. BUT if you have expectations, when something doesn't happen, you'll feel horrible.
It's super hard but you do that by staying busy so you don't think about it. I found that when I stayed busy, I did things for myself, didn't think about the situation, didn't have expectations and learned patience.
5 birds with one stone!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I hope the weather over there is not kicking your butt too much. I second what Bolt said. I think one of the biggest deal killers we all make is the expectations thing. We expect they don't deliver we get upset and question why we are doing what we are doing. It's a stupid cycle.
Last night I went out with some friends did not think about W at all. I was driving one of them back and at midnight I get a text from her. I waited 45 minutes to answer and we ended up talking about 2hrs.
Most nights I sit there and wait for the phone to ring when it doesn't I am angry, sad, depressed all kinds of stuff.
The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.
I should take a dose of my own medicine. When it comes to my situation I am a wreck.
Yeah, I got snowed in so there really hasn't been much going on with my sitch... no contact from her and I didn't offer. Pretty much the whole city shut down so giving her a ride to work wasn't a problem lol (I never contacted her to offer)
Right now there is just so little contact at all. It could be a week before I hear anything form her. That [censored] but it is hopefully giving her plenty of time to think. My expectations aren't too bad because I don't expect her to call. I don't have to worry about waiting by the phone because I know she isn't going to.
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M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
