Oh, don't misunderstand me, I'm very much involved with my religion. I do my Bible study daily. I own 1200 books and better than half of them are on Bible studies. What I want to do is get MORE involved with the Church and it is that part that I struggle with because I don't want to push him away.
Hahaha... there's a joke about praying for patience. People are afraid to pray for it because they are afraid of being tested. It's kind of funny
Last time I checked you go to church for you and not for someone else. It's YOUR faith not his.
Doing things for yourself without worrying if your spouse is going to get upset is the first step towards reclaiming your life. Besides, if you believe in God, the only one whose opinion that matters is the Big Guy upstairs.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Lost, Just now getting a chance to respond to your response to my last post. Boy, that was a mouthful...
Anyway, I really want to comment on his attitude about C's. I used to be him!!! For two years, my W begged me to go see a C and I refused. I would say, "I don't need to pay some stranger to tell me how to love my W!" Eventually, my W had to use the threat of leaving to get me to go. By the time we stopped going, I was in love with the sessions and my W wanted to stop. Funny how life works. Back then I thought I had all the answers. You would have never caught me dead on a forum like this. But, I guess life has proven I don't know sh*t about shinola, because now my W is gone and I am devastated. More importantly, I continued to see the C after she left because it gave me a place to vent other than using my family. I know you can't push him into seeing a C, but he is a damned fool if he doesn't go. If insurance will cover it and you don't go in a situation like this, you are in some serious denial. Take this from a dude who once called counselors "piece of crap losers who couldn't make it in medical school." Go figure...
I am sorry to hear that you are alone while in this sitch. I would say that would make it doubly hard. But, you can make new friends. Hey, over the past month, I have walked up to four perfect strangers in the gym who I see there on a regular basis while I am working out. I introduced myself, asked them some questions about the gym, kept the conversation short and walked away. I now have two new friends in the gym that I can at least have five minutes of conversation with each time I see them. One guy is single and could turn into a new buddy for hanging out during weekends. Give it a try. You won't regret it!
By the way, having your brothers kick your H's ass probably won't make things better! HA!
Hang in there, girl! BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
My H's ego has definitely grown considerably, which is tough considering how big it was to begin with. Last night, he was talking to me about someone at work who royally screwed up something because said co-worker's ego was so big he couldn't think he was wrong. I swear, it took every single fiber of my being to not crack up and show him to a mirror.
I'm definitely meeting people at the gym. Hanging out with them. Even texting and talking on FB. Here's the thing, you can't lay this kind of drama on new friends. So, while I am trying to meet new people and doing just ok with it, it's still a bit lonely because I wouldn't bring this kind of heavy BS up with them. My personal trainer is going through a break-up right now so I talk to him a little bit, but mostly I listen to his drama. Girl really broke his heart.
So, anyway, H is on his crappy path again. Been spending lots of time with the roommate upstairs. This weekend, the roommate, her daughter and H all decided to order dinner. They brought it home, H didn't even offer me any. I said something later about it being kind of nasty, he apologize profusely, I was unconvinced. Next day, rooommate and H go to work together. I absolutely know they were there because H's co-worker mentioned it. But them going to work together has never happened before. I believe H is doing this to piss me off. At the very least, he's an insensitive jerk.
Frankly, I'm kind of tired of the whole situation. I know dbmod is cautioning me about telling him to leave, but I get closer every minute. This is not the man I was in love with. This man is a creep. I'm very angry right now thinking about things. The collapse happened right after his buddies visited and they told him that I changed. Roommate told me that they called him after the visit and commented about me changing. (He failed to mention to them about a big fallout at work in my dept that same week). Anyway, my H has defended everyone else, his friends, the lunatic OW (who moved down here last year, moved back suddenly, and then is moving back again), and everyone else. He was supposed to defend his W first. But he didn't do that. And the more I think about it, the more sick it makes me. I could get into more about all of this, but there's no point. The thing is that I really look at him right now as if he is an awful person. I'm failing on my quest to provide unconditonal love. I need to work on that, but I'm just angry right now.
The only problem with getting too involved is that my H is really anti-Church. I don't know if that will push him away.
LIS - I was totally against the church thing too until my recent M tragedy. I have been going since the first sunday after one of the bombs, can't remember which right now... they all run together at this point. But anyway, like 2Step said, it has really lifted my spirits. I'm not sure what I think about god etc., but the message of the sermon is always something that I can relate to.
Funny, writing that last sentence reminded me that one of the sermons a couple of weeks ago was about having patience in waiting for something. Think I need to ponder that some more...
BITS Denver
You want to hear something funny? The first day I went to church the sermon was about "when your life falls apart" I thought to myself how appropiate "God I guess you must of told the preacher I was coming". Lost you are going for you not him. I know you are shy but if you want a real 180 then do the opposite of what he might expect. Hell, you might actually enjoy yourself
H has informed me that he wants to have a talk tonight. I asked what it was about, that he already informed me that he was leaving. He said we need to talk about how that's going to work. He said that we have more to talk about. Sounds like I'm going to get divorce speech tonight. Cannot even begin to tell everyone how excited I am!
Stay cool and calm. The anticipation is the worse part! The MC I couldn't afford gave me free advice. "Agree with them and watch them come to your defense. You can't argue with someone who doesn't argue back"
When I tried this on my W I was scared Sh!tless. I said "Honey. I think we could work this out;but perhaps you are right. Maybe too much damage has been done. I was not very good to you"
Her response "It wasn't all you H I made mistakes too. I just feel like I need to do this as some sort of closure. I don't know if that makes sense. I am not saying I never want to talk to you again I just feel we should only talk if necessary"
That was almost three weeks ago. You have followed my thread. How is the not talking working out for me?
Thanks 2Step. I'm as ready as I'm going to be for the next speech. I will tell him the same thing I told him last time, "I think it's a good idea." I don't really have much else to say to him about it because I said it all when this all began.
I just don't know how many times we can sit down and have the same talk. He's leaving, I get it. Haven't tried to stop him after the last talk.
